'Mamaaaaa, I Just Killed A Song!'

Some things really are blood-chillingly, teeth-on-edge, labia-shrivellingly embarrassing.  I don't mean walking around with the back zipper on your skirt undone, which has happened to me.  I don't mean discovering the offensive dog shit pong is coming from the sole of YOUR shoe, which again has happened to  me.  I mean elephant in the room.  I'm talking being so delusional you're pissing in your own pants and don't know it yet.  I'm talking about that stage where the emperor is not only wearing no clothes, he's also wearing no skin.

Right now is probably  not a good day to be the organisers of the Glastonbury Festival.  In particular, I refer to whoever thought it was a good idea to let Kanye West come out and totally sodomise and defile 'Bohemian Rhapsody'.  I saw the footage.  It's all smoke machines and electric atmosphere, like the start of most concerts.  A backing tape of Queen plays, and the audience hears the familiar 'Is this the real life....' etc etc yada, yada, yada.  Then on comes Kanye West, hot contender for World's Biggest & Most Deluded Tosser, and he croaks in the most non-tonal dry-heave of a sound ever, 'Mamaaaaa, I just killed a maaaaaan....'.  Like me outside the house frenziedly rifling in my handbag when the phone is ringing inside, the guy is desperately trying to find a key.  No, he's not.  He's not bothering to find the key, he's trying to break in with a brick through the window, such is the savage butchery and vandalism of this song.  I just sat there, stunned and debilitated, thinking, 'No, you didn't kill a man.  You totally slaughtered this poor song.  That's what you've killed.' 

Then he got the audience to sing along.  Usually, if I go to a concert, the singer leading audience sing-alongs actually annoys me because I have paid good  money to hear the band, not the slob next to me.  But in this case I would make an exception. 

Truly, the guy takes the words 'Kim Kardashian's ass' to a whole new level.  He's an arrogant knob-end, what with interrupting people going about their lawful business making speeches, and then he comes out and butchers a great song with a frightening nonchalance that leaves everyone speechless.  And bleeding from the ears.

I wanted someone to say, 'Sorry, Kanye, Imma let you finish, but - no, just get the fuck off the stage!'

Today's list of things to do includes finalising the first edit on my manuscript.  I took my almost 11yo to the park the other day to do this, and sat enjoying the winter sunshine.  What I did not enjoy was the feral fishwife on the next bench effing and blinding.  Hey,  I know I have used swear words in this post.  It is a judicial use of a word to make a point and emphasise in the creative writing process.  I very rarely swear in conversation, and would make a concerted effort not to do so in public, especially when there are children around.

The other thing I plan to do is take my older son to see 'Ted 2'.  I hope there's nothing TOO embarrassing for a  mother to see alongside her son.  Oh, who am I kidding?  It's Seth MacFarlane!  There's bound to be something.