Does anyone care to remember those days in Year 7 when you had to draw the female reproductive system? It was the uterus, with fallopian tubes to the sides, and a channel to represent the vagina that led OUTSIDE to the vulvae. Remember, folks? I can draw, and my representation was always passable. It might not have passed muster in a medical textbook, but it looked like what it was meant to be. Other less artistic kids usually drew something that looked like a head-on view of a bovine animal skull found in the desert, bleached white by the sun and elements (I suppose I would come up with that imagery because I like skulls). This would have been great if they were designing an album cover for Iron Maiden, but unfortunately they were meant to draw the female reproductive system. The male reproductive system sketches usually looked like a lateral silhouette of a tapir. But the point to my reminiscences about the silly drawings we did in Year 7, as the more infantile kids giggled as they sketched (honestly, one particular girl nearly laughed herself into a hernia when the teacher showed us the male chart from which we had to copy), is you might notice I referred to the vagina as a channel leading outside, which would indicate it is an internal organ. And it is an internal organ. So can the media please stop referring to the external parts of the female genitalia as the vagina? That would be great. The latest article I've read about spouting this insidious and fallacious rubbish, and in fairness the journalist could have been quoting the outraged member of the public, dealt with the mother in the UK who was infuriated about the marzipan teddy bears atop her three-year-old daughter's christening cake. The bears had a line drawn between their legs, and she said they 'looked like they have vaginas'. According to the patisserie, the line is meant to represent the seam sewn into 'real' teddy bears. But this line doesn't look like a vagina, unless someone took the nozzle of the piping bag and drilled a hole between the front of the bears' legs, and where the hypothetical anus on the bear would be. And nobody would see it because the bears were sitting down. I seriously took umbrage at the misuse of 'vagina' yet again, and when I looked at the bears took fits of laughter because they actually - shhhhh! - did look like the female pudenda, now that it had been brought to my attention. There's been outrage and hue and cry, all over marzipan bears with lines betwixt their marzipan legs. Again, the world is going 'Bonfire of the Vanities'. Yeah, the markings on the bears kind of did look a bit like female genitalia, but I don't think I'd be going into battle over it. After I'd stopped sniggering I'd probably have put a decoration in front of the bears if thought everyone was going to have as dirty a mind as I can (yes, I KNOW I've complained about how childish some of my former classmates were). I wouldn't cry. I wouldn't fuss. I wouldn't be chomping on these cute bears because I really, really detest marzipan. How can anyone eat that stuff? It's a white gooey mass of sweetly medicinal yuckiness.
Today's guilty pleasures:
1. 'Lady Rose' by Mungo Jerry
2. 'Don't Pull Your Love' by Hamilton, Joe Frank & Reynolds
3. 'Marshall's Portable Music Machine' by Robin Jolley
Today's chore: edit my manuscript.
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