Boofheads at the Bowser

 This goes out to the arsehat in the car in front of mine at the servo today. In a nutshell: What - and I mean this with the greatest kindness - the actual fuck is wrong with you?

Today, I had cause to cut into my bank account and create profuse bleeding, which in a recent times had been known as putting in half a tank of fuel. However, since the actions of a certain jabbering pumpkin have led to the closure of the Strait of Hormuz, any attempt to put fuel in a car can be considered a grievous assault on one's bank account. 

Well, be that as it may, I needed fuel. I pulled into the servo. The first line of bowsers were occupied by a work vehicle to which a lengthy trailer had been affixed, so there was no available space for me. The third row of bowsers contain diesel, which is not an option for me. So the middle row it was to be, which I thought should be fine because there was only one vehicle and I could pull in behind it and use the second bowser (by way of explanation, there are two sets of bowsers in each row and each set contains different fuel hoses).  Anyway, I pulled into the area with the second row of bowsers, whereupon I found myself unable to park in a decent proximity to the hose because the clod in front had parked her car so that it was situate* between the two spots, thereby denying me room. This is the petrol station equivalent of those ignorant muttonheads who take up two spaces in shopping centre parking lots. And it's safe to say I was someone irritated.

The driver eventually moseyed her desultory way inside and paid. I felt a twinge of rancorous gratitude and decided that when she moved out, I would park at the front spot, thus allowing any other driver who arrived to pull in behind me (I'm thoughtful like that). 

She returned to her vehicle, saw me watching, and gesticulated a message that was lost on me. Her subsequent actions indicate that it was not: "Sorry I'm such an ignorant dunderhead; I'll drive out of your way now." I make this deduction because she got into her car and moved forward slightly. I sat there wondering when was she going to get the fuck out of the way entirely. 

Well, I couldn't keep waiting. I needed to fill my car and empty my bladder. I manoeuvred my car to the appropriate spot at that second block of bowsers. She remained in her vehicle, which from the glowing taillights, was clearly 'on'. As I fueled up, I started to worry. Was I being unfair? Maybe she had had a medical episode preventing her from leaving. I resolved to check on her as I went to pay the king's ransom that is now the equivalent of an average syphoning session.

So I did this. I had a discreet glance at her window as I went by, to reassure myself she was not unconscious or something. And guess what? Are you ready for this? SHE HAD BEEN ON HER FUCKING PHONE!  Surely to goodness common etiquette states that if you must use your phone at a servo, park your car in one of the customer bays and don't block the bloody bowsers! 

So if you are reading this, Madam Dumbarse, have a word with yourself. 

* situate can be an adjective. It's archaic, but it can be an adjective.

AI-Yi-Yi!

Where have all the competent writers gone? Certainly nowhere near my newsfeed, but there may be one typing on my keyboard right now, heh-heh! I often see a headline teasing about an article that might interest me, so I click, whereupon I am bombarded with a discombobulated word salad that makes me feel as though I am the throes of a massive stroke when I am trying to decipher it. It is AI-generated hogwash. It is not writing. It is a jumble of disjointed ideas stuffed into a lousily parsed series of sentences that repeat or rephrase with the embarrassed air of someone trying to downplay an accusation of impropriety. Or a drunk who's cornered you at a party and insists upon boring the shit out of you with repeated anecdotes and questions. 

And AI-generated articles are the most insulting and offensive of impropriety. Don't get me wrong; AI can be a useful tool that has its place. It's a great time-saving device for certain procedures. But its problem is that it lacks soul. A curation of information synthesised by some LLM into the most minimal semblance of an actual article or story is no substitute for a properly researched and crafted article by an actual WRITER who can provide discernable tone, atmospheric mood, correct grammar, and - now take heed, because this is important - THE CORRECT INFORMATION!

The other day, I was scrolling and chanced upon an article about the late AC/DC singer, Bon Scott. I vacillated between opening and just scrolling because, let's face it, the article was likely to be AI-produced. The Common Sense Angel on my right shoulder pleaded with me: "Get real. Your gut is telling you this is not 'properly' written and it's going to annoy you." The Devil-May-Care Angel on my left shoulder said: "But it's Bon Scott. You LOVE Bon Scott. Have a read."

Against my better judgement, I listened to more foolhardy seraph on my left shoulder, who was not chanting: "Holy! Holy! Holy!", but rather: "Bon! Bon! Bon!"

So I clicked.

The first clumsy paragraph informed me that - are you ready for this? - Bon Scott "woke up dead". No, I did not type that wrong. But AI sure fucked it up big time. Bon Scott woke up dead, did he? How very rock and roll! What did he do next? Pick the bits of carrot out of his throat?

I am going to have to 'hide' every creator that appears in my feed with AI articles, because they are too much for this jaded writer to tolerate.

Pillocks, Penuriousness, and Heads Shaped like Amphoras

 From the Dumb Shit I've Read Today files: a petition to the Australian Senate seeking, inter alia, that the military service of Ben Roberts-Smith be recognised and he be given due process.

Um, I had better type this slowly and loudly: HE IS BEING GIVEN DUE PROCESS! And I will continue to type slowly, whilst wondering can AI help me put in a bouncing ball graphic to help people at home reading along: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK THE AUSTRALIAN SENATE CAN DO?

My tetchiness arises from the emotive posts appearing in my news feed. He is a war hero, they cry. This is costing millions in legal costs and associated costs and coffee runs and those pre-packaged sandwiches in the vending machines, they moan. Oh, and 'they' includes clowns like Pauline Hanson, Malcolm Roberts, and Gina Rinehart. 

I am not going to speculate or comment on the possible outcome of a matter that is sub judice. What I will say is:

1. Due process is being followed insofar at court procedure is concerned. He's been charged with offences under the criminal code that are to be dealt with in the civilian criminal court.

2. His military service is being recognised everywhere you freaking well look! You can't turn around without bumping into or barking your shin on a post about "our heroes." However, his service does not preclude him from being subject to the rule of law. The law applies to everybody or nobody. BRS is not above the law. That also means he is entitled to the protections of the law, which means he is at this stage presumed innocent until proven otherwise.

3. The Senate can do fuck-all about the court process. Our parliamentary and judicial powers are kept separate for very good reason.

4. Yeah, it's probably a bummer for him that he was arrested in front of his children. However, he's not the first person to have been arrested in front of his kids. 

5. What does it matter if there is cost involved in pursuing justice? We are talking JUSTICE. There is a saying: Not only must justice be done; it must be SEEN to be done. If that means some dosh gets expended in its pursuit, then so be it. And why are you bleating about the apparent 300 million dollars this has cost, Gina Rinehart? You've probably got 300 million dollars in spare change squashed down the back of your couch. Rancorous old bag of penuriousness. Haven't you got a function at Mar-a-Lago to attend?

6. Malcolm Roberts and Pauline Hanson: you're both a pair of pillocks. Support and believe in whomever you want, but at least familiarise yourself on the principle and reason for rule of law.

I found something else in the Dumb Shit I've Read Today files - although technically I first read it the other day; however, it's popped up and bobbing around like a turd that won't flush. Ironic, given it's subject matter is former PM Tony Abbott. He's saying that we should support the US in its conflict with Iran. Why does this amphora-headed ninny think his view holds weight? We are talking about a person who wanted to bestow a knighthood upon Prince Phillip! 

Hopefully, the world will calm down soon. I doubt it. 

Mephistopheles and Mirrors

 I've spent a few hours today watching some episodes of Dynasty: The Murdochs on Netflix and wondering when is that scabrous old fuck Rupert going to cark it. He's probably entered some Faustian bargain, which seems difficult since he's also the embodiment of Mephistopheles. It's kind of like the miller's daughter and Rumpelstiltskin turning out to be one and the same, only with a biased media corporation whose minions think it's okay to hack the voicemail of murdered kids, rather than some old turd of a king who expects straw to be spun into gold. I'm no alchemist, but I'm pretty sure you can't turn straw into gold. 

I've also been wondering whether there are any mirrors in the White House. What's aroused my curiosity is the mind-bogglingly ludicrous rant posted by Trump on his favourite social media platform wherein he described Bruce Springsteen as resembling "a dried up prune." No, I'm not making that up. Nobody who resembles a desiccated cumquat topped by a thatch of dried corn silk would have the temerity to compare another human being to a piece of dried fruit if said cumquat had access to a working mirror. From this, I can only assume there are no clean or functional mirrors in the White House. 

I am also wondering if there should be some kind of training course for incumbent presidents of the US, one that features a unit on how to cope if an artist expresses disapproval of you. I can suggest this rudimentary lesson:

1. Remember you are supposed to be a world leader and have more pressing issues about which to be concerned.

2. If you're going to sook about it in an unprofessional and hypocritical manner, resign your position because you are clearly unsuited if you cannot handle another person's opinion of you. 

3. Change your tampon. 

4. Avoid posting petty whines on social media. This does not matter if you are sitting up in a four-poster bed, sitting behind your desk, or sitting on a gold-plated toilet: just do not do this. *

5. Resign anyway. You are a bloated moribund sunfish, with the IQ and emotional intelligence of said creature. 

* Gold for a toilet? Maybe that imp from the Brothers Grimm could come in handy after all; just bring along a bale of hay.

Anyway, I might crank up some Springsteen now.

Today's Little Rant

 Thought I might do a brief rant. There are so many things about which to rant and I'm sure I'm in the same dark and worried place as many others, as we watch with vacillating bouts of disbelief, rage, and distress at the events taking place in the Middle East. The human cost (what was it; 170 school girls?) is sickening. The lack of responsibility and doubling down from people who possess the intelligence, diplomatic know-how, and empathy of a discarded snake skin is even more sickening.

Attacking an oil-rich region has the other obvious effect, obvious even to a person like me who sneakily read MAD Magazine during Year 9 Commerce (and in a turn of irony, has now found herself teaching Year 9 Commerce in a relief role). That effect begins at the bowser, where I put in half a tank and nearly shit where I was standing when I saw the price. Yeah, people aren't inclined to sail their tankers of oil when there is imminent danger, and that leads to less oil for us, which in turn leads to prices going through the ozone layer.

But what's really boiled my piss today is reading that a certain person with access to nuclear codes has admonished those controlling the needed oil tankers for not transporting the resource, telling them to "show some guts." Yeah, well, he sure shows some guts: spilling over the waist band of his golf pants in a cushiony pudgy series of white blobs that look like a mass of the expanding foam I used to plug up the holes in my bathroom wall before it was renovated. 

Yeah, he said for them to "show some guts" and they have "nothing to be afraid of." Hmmmm. I dunno. Concerns about collapsed lungs, internal injuries, or even death from overhead missiles sound like a pretty valid fear to me. 

It's all very well and good for a bloated blowhard to goad from the safety of a distance of some 11,000 kilometres, but the Safety of Life at Sea Convention and International Safety Management Code probably carry more credence to the captains of the tankers than some blathering bloated cumquat.

So what to do in the meantime? How to stay sane? I've been playing a bit of New York Dolls lately. Anyone who knows me well knows I am partial to some early Seventies punk that hints at glam metal, with androgynous looking musos who ooze dangerous petulant sexuality. Next time I'm covering a class and there's free time, I might put Looking for a Kiss on YouTube instead of the Ed Sheeran I often get asked to play ("Oh, Miss must have pressed the wrong video. Let's have a look at this one and see what you think.").

Bugging

 Today's little list is titled What's Bugging Me Today. Shall we begin?

1. The unvarying playlists of AM radio. I'm of an age group and genre preference that leans itself towards AM radio. However, AM radio is often mired in a stagnant pool of the same old songs that are looped in a fug of tedium. I do a bit of driving with my job and listen to the radio, and I can bet a bodily organ that on any given day I will hear Copperhead Road by Steve Earle. I am sick of the lugubrious narrative of some embittered cracker whose family business entailed brewing rocket-fuel quality alcohol. 

After I have had my teeth set on edge by Earle, my spirits will plunge when Fast Car by Tracy Chapman gets its daily spin. I really like Tracy's voice and think she's a wonderful lyricist, but this song depresses the living snot out of me. 

2. Checking the news and hearing about the cockamamie ramblings and tomfoolery of some senile cretin who has the temperament of a spoiled toddler, yet who scarily has access to nuclear codes. He treats geopolitics like a game of Monopoly and he's the type who would flip the board if he loses. He's just held a conference wherein he displayed some book of supposed achievements, like a primary schooler showing good work at weekly school assembly, and proclaimed the US to be the "hottest country" (in what context? Dumpster fire?). Every time he appears to have annihilated his career for sure with some risible logical fallacy, and you think it's over and you can breathe a sigh of relief, he returns with a level of offensive nonsense that even deeper plumbs the murky depths of Lake Offensive Nonsense. It's like the phoenix rising from the ashes, except in this time the rejuvenant firebird has apparently emerged from a pile of Dorito dust. 

Anyway, it felt good to vent and write. 

First Post for 2026!

 When the new year begins, it is common to reflect upon the year just gone. As I greet 2026 and ruminate upon 2025, there are two standouts for me: firstly, the finalisation of my Bachelor of Education; and secondly, competing as a grand finalist on Mastermind Australia. The support from my friends and family, as well as the local community, certainly warmed the cockles of this cynical woman's heart. But there are some things I feel I must clarify.

Most of you are familiar with the Back to the Future trilogy. Well, Thomas F Wilson, the actor who portrayed the thuggish bully Biff Tannen, found himself the recipient of the same questions. I will grant that an actor in a major film series has likely received more attention and repetitive questions than an unknown woman who has appeared on a national quiz show, but cut me some slack here, okay? Wilson has channeled his comedic and musical talents into a ditty whose refrain is "Stop asking me the question", and includes lyrics such as "What's Michael J Fox like? He's nice" and "Was that real manure? No, it wasn't."  I don't mind being asked questions, and I enjoy receiving warm wishes, but some of the comments I have received from community members I don't know well are somewhat doltish.

Anyway, whilst I do not intend to pen and sing a song, I thought it might be fun to type a list of answers to common questions and observations:

1. Mark Fennell is very nice.

2. Yes, I was very nervous.

3. Yes, I did think I could go that far. *

4. No, I was not ripped off on the question about Cabbage Patch Kids. **

5. No, I do not think I copped really lengthy questions during general knowledge, thus not having enough time to give as many correct answers, juxtaposed by other contestants receiving really short questions and more opportunities for points. ***

6. What the fuck does the fact that I'm a country girl have to do with anything? ****

* I had as much chance as anyone else and I don't buy into false modesty ("Oh, I never thought little old me could get that far!" - gimme a break!).

** The question required 'Kids' in the answer. Those insufferably kitsch dolls from the Eighties were officially Cabbage Patch Kids. I didn't say 'kids' in the studio. I might have KNOWN the answer but I didn't GIVE the answer. Therein lies the difference. Da rulez is da rulez. I was annoyed at MYSELF, but I do not believe that I was in any way gypped a point.

*** Seriously, get the tin foil off your head. 

**** Someone with whom I am peripherally acquainted said to me words to the following effect: "Not bad for a girl from the bush!" I regarded this person with a look that incorporated my incredulity and contemptuousness at such a disrespectful trope, then asked did he think women from small rural towns are stupid (in defence of my apparent snarkiness, this person has subjected me to hamfisted and unwanted comments in the past). In case nobody realises, we country girls can learn via reading, viewing, listening, or osmosis just as well as the next person. 

I guess the lesson from this post is try not to dim someone's shine, whether that shine comes from a competition or something as commonplace as changing a tyre for the first time.

Happy New Year!