I have a reputation. Not entirely sure what it is, but it would appear I have one. Last night I was informed it precedes me. This was at one of the local clubs where I have taken to playing trivia on Saturday nights. It was a different host last night, and he said to me, 'Your reputation precedes you.' I said, 'What reputation would that be? The one written on the dunny wall?' Anyway, he did not inform me and I am still none the wiser. I had my fifteen-year-old with me last night in case we got asked a real curly maths problem. No such question was asked, but he did help with suggestions about the most common spoken languages, and explained his theory about the gravitational pull of certain planets which would lead to them having 'rings'. We got those questions correct, so he is due a certain percentage of my share of the winnings.
I still haven't gone through the re-edited manuscript of the upcoming 'Howling On A Concrete Moon'. If you're reading this post, my friends at Zeus Publications, I do apologise. I promise to get onto it this week, when the fruits of my womb have returned to school.
If the cretinous pile of carbon-based cells who sent me the private message on Facebook is reading this, I think the word you're after is 'weight'. No 'wait'. 'Weight'. 'Weight' refers to mass, and 'wait' refers to what one must do when enduring the passage of time before an anticipated event occurs. Anyway, according to you, dear, I need to shed some of my body mass. Now, a woman who looks like a mature Daphne from 'Scooby Doo' but with Velma's brains doesn't really care that much what a total cockhead like you thinks. Given I stand about 5'7' and am a size 12-14 in Australian sizing, being a fatty-boom-sticks is probably not high up on my list of problems. I do have a problem with ignorance and stupidity. Those of you who follow my ramblings will know that I take umbrage with the hoary old chestnuts about the judiciary being out of touch. This is why I usually make a well-formulated reply to Facebook threads about how the judiciary works, and how judges and magistrates arrive at the decisions and sentences they do. These comments are usually saved for the Fb page of a certain senator who was voted into the Senate, yet has never voted in an Australian election before, and often gloated about that.
Because I am fair and not stupid, I am not going to say this twit's name, but she did demand the instant dismissal of some judges. I've tried to copy the comments, but can't because I'm not all that technologically adept. Anyway, I just replied with my usual reply about the factors that judges take into account when making their rulings, and that it is fatuous to call for the sacking of somebody who is doing their job. Anyway, the lady did not like this. No siree, she did not like this one bit. With a bilious rant, peppered with judicious use of capitalised words, she told me she is a mother and a grandmother and as a woman is blessed with gut instinct. She is also reading the law as a hobby, and told me my comments were disturbing. She told me people in high places are often paedophiles, and the suicide of a judge some years ago who was accused thus just proves it. Well, if you are reading this, imbecilic crone, let me say this: the suicide of someone who was the subject of Ms Arena's accusations years ago, someone who denied having knowingly had sex with anybody under the age of 18, and someone who battled with his double life, just proves he was tortured - doesn't really prove he was guilty. But hey, well done on discovering how to use the 'caps lock' button on your keyboard, by the way. Go, you!
However, this woman then told me to go to Jenny Craig and lose some 'wait', and finished it with 'go away you not normal'. Anyway, she then told me she was blocking me. Kind of reminds me of a snivelling little poltroon in the school yard who picks and pokes and teases, before running to the teacher when their victim responds. However, she did PM me with a different profile - same first name, and same woeful grammar - telling me how I sit on my arse too much writing all day, and that I should go for a walk to lose some 'wait'.
This to me is hysterically funny. Also, it is kind of my definition of 'chickenshit'. That's definitely a step forward for womanhood: insulting another woman's appearance because you don't like what she said before blocking her. Problem is, you fathead, I have no issues about my weight (which as abovementioned is perfectly normal and healthy). And like I said, all you did was make me laugh like a drain when I received your moronic message. So ha-ha all over you.
Now, in closing, I would like to get my tuppence worth on the Budgie 9. I do not think you are a bunch of loveable larrikins who made an error of judgement. Yes, you made an error of judgement, but loveable larrikins you are not. You are a group of men aged from your mid- to late-twenties, and from what I can tell have the education sufficient to realise if you are going to visit a conservative country, it is really, really stupid to strip down to swimwear designed as the flag of that country in a public place. You lot give Aussie tourists a bad name. For the love of Crimony, when visiting another country, show some respect!!!! That being said, I am glad you were not punished more than you have been, and glad you are home safely. Now grow up, lads. Listen to Auntie Bingells. Learn your lesson, and try to be productive human beings from now on.
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