Sunday 26 July 2020

The Beastly Beldame of Bunnings

My other half and I are thinking about a trip to Bunnings soon. We want to look at bathroom settings and get some cushions for our outdoor chairs. While we're there, we might blather some misinterpreted sections from the 1948 Charter of Human Rights at the poor staff. We will then threaten to sue the staff for doing their jobs because, you know, entitlement and all that.

Well, if that woman who stormed in demanding her rights at a Melbourne Bunnings can do it, so can we, right? Wrong. We can't.

Did anybody see the footage the woman took on staff who were politely telling her to leave because she was not wearing a mask? Seriously, what ails some people? Who wakes up in the morning and thinks: What will I do today? Oh, I know. Why don't I defy a current law that's been issued for health reasons, and abuse people? I have my rights, after all! I don't want to wear a mask and I'm SURE it contravenes my human rights, and furthermore ,it is discriminatory to make me wear one. I will film the staff's reactions, because I want everyone to know I'm fighting the good fight here!

If you're reading this, you entitled she-shitgibbon, your plan was one steaming pile of turds because you don't seem to understand that the staff in an establishment have the right to refuse entry to somebody who is not complying with conditions of entry. The conditions of entry stated masks to be worn, except by those who have exemptions. Sorry, dear, but being a brain-dead fuckwit doesn't entitle you to an exemption.

To stand there complaining your being discriminated against because you're a woman is laughable, and does not help the cause of women who face genuine discrimination. I will type this slowly for you: you were not the victim of gender discrimination. What you were was a complete skank.

Listening to your threats to sue the staff had my eyes rolling into another dimension. Sue them for what, exactly? Doing their lawful jobs? Fuck right off with your buffoonery, you nonsensical beldame! They were not breaking the law: YOU WERE!

I'm not sure what you're hoping to achieve by filming yourself acting like a shrewish scold. I'm not sure this is what Andy Warhol had in mind when he philosophised about the fifteen minutes of fame that everyone would one day experience. You're experiencing it for the wrong reasons. Everyone knows what a misinformed and selfish sow you are.

Sure, masks aren't a barrel of laughs. However, I'm sure you're not getting sympathy from surgeons who were them for hours at a time when operating. If people worked together to stop the spread, then we can start resuming some type of normality.

But it won't happen while we have entitled scowls like this 'Karen' thing determined to cause distress for everybody. Get in the bin and pull the lid over yourself, you lame-brained cow.

Let's talk about something good - Howling on a Concrete Moon is available as a paperback. Google it. Haven't done the conversion to e-book yet.

Let's talk about something else that's good - I got my first uni assignment back, and earned a credit. *Does happy dance*.


Friday 17 July 2020

Rattling the Fillings in My Teeth

We've all have at least one: a song with an okay tune but lyrics that make you want to take the singer, subject, or narrator out the back and beat some sense into them. My regular readers know I can write a complex manifesto on how Centerfold by the J Geils Bands transforms me into a frenzied zealot hell-bent on taking the incel narrating that song by the throat and introducing him to a duly heated penis-flattener. But today, as I was driving around between clients, I heard a song that never ceases to rattle the fillings in my teeth: I Can't Standing Losing  You by The Police.

As I alluded to in the above paragraph, I don't think this song has a bad tune. Au contraire, I enjoy the reggae influenced piece. However, I don't think I have ever listened to the lyrics without thinking, in hypothetical conversation with the narrator: Fuck, you're an idiot!

First of all, he whines that he's called the object of his obsession 'so many times today'. Dude, did it work? No? THEN TAKE THE BLOODY HINT!!!!!  He observes her brother's going to 'kill (him) and he's six feet ten'. Mate, I'm ready to kill you and I'm only five feet seven.

By the third verse he's threatening to top himself, leaving a legacy of guilt for the woman who's been - sensibly - rejecting him. Mate, she's not going to feel guilty. She's going to feel relieved because you're no longer pestering her.

Guys, let this be a lesson. If she says no, she's not playing hard to get. Don't bombard her with telephone calls. This can bite you on the arse with the force of a closing rabbit trap. I still remember, in my former career as a paralegal, having to deal with a guy who didn't grasp constantly ringing a woman won't get her to change her mind, but it just might get you charged because harassing someone with a telecommunication device is Commonwealth offence. Please take this on board.

Guess what I did today? I rang my local telephone station for a competition to guess the 'voice'. I knew the guy torturing Jump in my Car was not Ted Mulry but The Hoff! Do I revel with pride in knowing this, or hide under the doona with embarrassment? I'm running with the latter.

Well, that's me for today. I had a full on day, but hope to have the books on the new platform very shortly. Cheers!


Saturday 11 July 2020

Making My Little List...

Tonight I am just going write a little list; kind of in the vein of The Mikado's Grand High Executioner. It's people who have annoyed me these past few days:

1. Victorian MP Tim Smith. He is constantly tweeting puerile digs at Victorian Premier Dan Andrews and calling for his resignation over the whole Victorian Covid-19 situation. Whilst I've seen snide tweet after snide tweet, I am yet to see any semblance of a workable solution from Smith. I don't have a solution myself, but I would suggest seeing what New Zealand did, because they apparently have it under control. I think their approach included listening to doctors and epidemiologists instead of politicians (funny that), and having funds available for mortgage relief etc to alleviate any hardship caused by the strict lockdown. Smith just comes across as a caricature-like, stereotypical entitled bratty private schoolboy with his finger poised one centimetre from his victim as he taunts, 'I'm not touching you!' I think Andrews has the shittiest job around at the moment, and can I just say it's probably NOT his fault that some idiotic security guard who was meant to be guarding those in quarantine decided he could no longer keep it in his pants, and boinked one of those meant to be guarded?

2. Channel 7's Chris Reason for tweeting that the 'Melbourne virus' has reached Sydney. Ugh! It's NOT the 'Melbourne virus'. This deliberately divisive and inflammatory language is helping nobody.

3. The arse-hat who had his headlights burning at an intensity that would rival a small sun tonight. I had to work in a nearby town and I encountered this muppet on my journey home. I knocked off work three hours ago, and the glare-induced floaters are only just dissipating now. Mate, I'm sure the population of of Tamworth knew you were on your way. In fact, I think the astronauts working on the space station saw you.

Well, that's me for tonight. Not sure what I might do now. I'm a bit tired - or probably suffering something similar to welder's flash thanks to the aforementioned arse-hat and his headlights. I have assessments to work on, but I will get into that tomorrow. Also, I MUST upload that PDF to Ingram Sparks. I have had PDF of the manuscript altered to remove the former publisher's logo. This is for Howling on a Concrete Moon. The other manuscripts will follow shortly.

'Bye for now.

Friday 3 July 2020

Floundering Through the Virtual Platform

I did it. I got through a week of a virtual classroom for a course I'm doing. I'm worn out, but I did it. Of course, it's not over; there are still assessments to be completed, but the classroom aspect (the most arduous part) is over! Again, the technology gods were not totally benign. I ended up asking my son for the use of his laptop (he had recently upgraded for his own lectures during lockdown because his previous laptop didn't efficiently support the platform in which the learning process is conducted). Other students had technology issues, also.

When I was a kid, and had to do remote learning when the teacher was away for professional development, it was arranged the class would sit around a table with a Sanyo cassette player in the middle, and listen to a recorded lesson of a man reciting the times tables whilst we followed with the use of a text book. I think this recording and book was specifically designed for children in remote areas (not that I was in a particularly remote area; the teacher was away). We also learned songs via a program broadcast on ABC radio, and sang along with a book. I think that's how I learned the song The Rhythm of Life. Whilst primitive, these processes weren't as fraught with danger as the online processes. The biggest issue we faced was a blackout, which could be circumvented if the radio or tape recorder had been fitted with batteries, and if there was enough light to see. The only other technological screw-up was if the cassette spewed out its tape, and this was easily fixed with an HB pencil. We certainly didn't have to worry about lag, connectivity going AWOL, or the webcam just deciding to not work. For one of my lessons, I had to conduct an assessment on somebody who was a lot younger than I am, and I mentioned there would be allowance for technology issues. I then said in my spiel about the cassette and spewed tape being my only issue as a kid, and she was totally enthralled, all agog at what I'm sure she perceived to be a lesson in ancient history direct from the horse's mouth.

With this intense training last week, I have not been paying too much attention to the world. What's the point? It hasn't changed. People are still stupid. The thing that's burrowing skyward in my nostrils at the moment is the praise being heaped upon actor Mike Henry for stepping back from his role as Cleveland Brown in Family Guy. If you don't know, Henry is a Caucasian voice actor and the character Cleveland is African-American. His reasoning is only actors of colour should voice characters of colour. Look, I understand about diversity in casting, and support it. I really enjoyed the stage adaptation of Frankenstein's Monster I viewed on You Tube recently -- Benedict Cumberbatch played Dr Victor Frankenstein, and his father and younger brother were played by actors who were POC. I liked seeing the diversity and work given to a sector of actors who often miss out. The performances were great and the differences in appearance not at all distracting. As an aside, it's common in New Zealand for Maori actors to play traditionally Caucasian roles or members of Caucasian families and nobody bats an eyelid.

But what's pissing me off is that voice acting is an art form in itself. If an actor can make an animated character real just through the power of his or her voice, then what's the problem? Like I always say, Bugs Bunny is not voiced by an actual rabbit. Also, Mike Henry voices other characters in Family Guy, including that creepy old pederast with the Zimmer frame. Are producers and casting agents going to put out the call to nursing  homes where there might be such a creature lurking?

I daresay actors voicing several characters in animated series is because it saves the production company money on paying more actors than necessary, and it gives the actor a chance to show off his or her range. People like to save money and actors like to show off the skills - it's win/win - but maybe the world is getting too politically correct altogether.

Oh well, that's me done. Ciao for now.