I've been making valiant attempts to keep my head above water, and just when I think I'm doing well, and keeping those waves lapping gently at the level of my throat with the seductive, yet reassuring gentle caress of a lover, bloody Satan decides to hoon past on a jet ski, causing a massive bow wave to drench and chunder me. By this I mean a mysterious transaction appeared on my credit card statement, such transaction making my card haemorrhage more, and go over the limit. I was confounded by this, and telephoned Microsoft.
The clerk to whom I spoke sounded much younger than I am, and spoke with a heavy accent. I think she was trying to be hip and colloquial as she asked, 'Do you have, like, an x-box?' Annoyance at the use of a verb as an interjection caused me to respond sarcastically, 'Yes, I do have, like, an x-box.' However, I think my subtle dig at the bad grammar was completely lost on her, lost and vanished like the crew of the Marie Celeste.
Anyway, I was transferred to the department that deals with x-box accounts, and placed in the - I think - capable hands of the clerk to whom x-box accounts have been entrusted. But here's the rub: I don't know. I couldn't understand a fucking word she was saying. Compounding my confusion and frustration, the very few words and phrases I could understand were asking me about a topic with which I am very unfamiliar: gaming. Now, had the woman wanted to discuss classic late twentieth century American literature with me, I would have been all over it. Irving, Wolfe, Ellis, maybe some Updike - I can wax lyrical for hours. But gaming? Gimme a break! Don't ask me the gamer tag of the household user - please!! I had to hand the telephone to Mr Bingells who, along with our oldest son, does like to game. By the way, when did 'game' become a verb? Back in my youth, it was a noun ('Who wants to play a game of Scrabble?') or an adjective ('I'm game to sneak through the cemetery if you are.'), but now it's a verb, as well? Soon it will be an article and conjunction, too! Somebody will say, 'Game game game game game', and it will make perfect grammatical sense! This is utter dystopia, in my eyes.
Even though he is far more au fait with the topic at hand that me any day, Mr Bingells was soon very perplexed and frustrated as he dealt with the clerk. He finally wound up the conversation and pressed 'End', and looked at me, stunned. When he regained his powers of speech, he said, 'That was painful.' I felt bad about abrogating my responsibilities in handling the telephone call, but really, I know nothing about the x-box and our account therewith. At least Mr Bingells had been able to work out some of the problem, and understand some of the conversation.
What it boils down to, we suspect, is the annual account fee for the x-box. I don't mind if it is, at least it means we haven't been hacked and someone's running up bills on my credit card. But in the meantime, it must be paid. I might just have to beg for everyone to buy my books, to help alleviate these bills, and enable my husband and kids to continue with their - *shuddering at the verb* - gaming.
Speaking of books, I've still been going through the edited manuscript of the upcoming 'Howling On A Concrete Moon', and am quite happy. It's not a big tome, by any means, but it's just that I have been rostered to do quite a few hours work-wise, and therefore haven't had as much time as I would like to spend reading. It will be released next year - early - and hopefully sell well.
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