So I filled my kids with chocolate, but not piety as we didn't attend Easter Sunday Mass. We did however attend lunch with my mother-in-law at a popular pub in a nearby town. Did we have a nice time? We had a tolerable time. Mr Bingells' back is being a fucker again today. My kids, whilst polite at lunch - bless 'em - were painful on the drive home. My crumbed fish was not fish, but watery paper. Well, that's what it tasted like.
Not knowing what to do with the wretches I grew in my womb, and desperately fed up with their love of technology, I suggested we play a board game after dinner. Master 14 got out the Monopoly set. I had to grit my teeth and go along with it. Gentle Reader, is there anything more stultifying than this tedious game? Part of my ennui is brought about by the fact that I am utter shit at it. Master 14 is quite the little tycoon. He expostulated with excitement, and cheered with each property bought and each rental paid. The incandescence behind his eyes, when he placed his houses on Mayfair and Park Lane, was just like Christmas morning when he was small. It was kind of like playing Monopoly with Alex P Keaton from that old sitcom 'Family Ties', except my son is probably at least half a head taller than Keaton. The other problem with playing with teenaged boys is they are sneakily flatulent creatures.
Master 11 has to be creative and dramatic with each roll of the dice. His turn takes twice as long as it needs to. He cups the dice in both hands, and gives a theatrical shake to one side of his head, then repeats the mannerism on the other side, his shoulders twitching to some tune playing in his head. He looks like nothing so much as a bartender in some movie from the Sixties. I finally complained he was not mixing a Brandy Alexander, and could he please just roll the dice.
Well, poor Mum kept landing in gaol, not passing go, and not collecting $200.00. On the rare occasions the children landed on the scant properties I owned, my oldest thought it funny to deliberately and slowly hand over the money S-L-O-W-L-Y one note at a time. On a random whim, I asked how they would feel if males were paying notes to their mother by tucking them into her garter. In case you're wondering, this is a hell of a good way to weird out your children. I was met with wails of, 'Muh-uuummm! I would be a-SHAMED!' I informed them I was disappointed in their answer because I thought I had raised them to be non-judgemental. 'It's not that,' Master 14 explained, 'I mean, am I supposed to say to my friends: "My fifty-year-old mother's a stripper"?'
Well, anyway, I ended up being bankrupted by my fourteen-year-old. But being given a reprieve from the catatonia-inducing past time known as Monopoly was worth watching him gloat as I handed over my small cash reserve and the title deeds to my properties.
Yet, as much as I dislike playing Monopoly, I really did enjoy having the time with my kids. I think I might just suggest another game tomorrow, after I finish priming the part of the front veranda I am painting.
Without going into the details, I achieved a first yesterday, and part of today: I annoyed someone who enjoyed a fleeting moment of celebrity status in the late Nineties. All I did was reply to her comment on a thread, and NO, I was NOT trolling. I disagreed with what she said in relation to our judiciary. Shit, I disagree with what most people say on public forums in relation to the judiciary because I find most people commenting on public forums in relation to the judiciary have absolutely no fucking idea what they're on about. I find when it is pointed out to folks that judges are not out of touch, and that they hand down the sentence within the parameter of the law, as per their mandate; well, people don't like that much. They get shitty. I won't be snarky and refer to this woman as a has-been, because when you think about it, I'm probably a never-was! Heh-heh. But this former darling of the women's magazine set really did not like me pointing this out. She called me a sheep who never questioned things. She baaaaa'd. Oh, the Wildean repartee of it all! Anyway, I just reiterated my point about how the legal system works and all the palaver on the thread was nothing more than misinformed spurious rhetoric, and suggested she keep her knickers nice. I did raise her 'baaaa' by throwing in a 'pfffft', I will admit to that.
Well, I do believe the rotten pup has peed in this room, so I'm off to get the 50/50 white vinegar and water to clean it up.
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