Thursday, 10 March 2016

My Current Updated Lists

I amass these lists of things, the way some people amass a bucket list.  One of my lists, which sadly is growing lengthier, is the list of Shit Remakes Of Once Good Songs.  There is a new entry on that list, and the entry has been provided by, not surprisingly, The Chantoozies.  This lot appear to be trying to usurp UB40 from the throne from where they reign supreme in the land of Lousy Song Remakes.  The song that was brought to my attention yesterday was released around 2014.  I had not heard it until now and I am not thankful for being appraised of the wretched tune's existence.  Does anybody remember The Promises' 1979 hit 'Baby, It's You'?  Did anybody else think it was awesome?  Yes, I thought so.  Anyway, yesterday a friend sent me a link to the execrable remake by The Chantoozies.  As you can imagine, the remake completely bypasses the soul, pathos and passion of the original, and just delivers a farty, pointless pile of sickening confection.  There is none of the angst brilliantly brought across by the Knauer siblings, who sing rings around this lot, but there is lots of dross, if it's dross you're after.  Oh, and lots of hair-flinging in the film clip, along with some dance moves inspired by The Wiggles and the opening sequence of 'Xanadu'.  This is really the biggest deadshit of a remake, with accompanying film clip to match, I have had my senses assailed by in a very long time.  I think the only reason to make the film clip was so they could all say, 'Hey, everyone!  Menopause might be tweaking us, but we still fit into skinny jeans!' 

And another thing, the film clip features appearances by Eric Bana, Hugh Jackman (swoon!), and Anthony LaPaglia.  Seriously, guys, WTF were you all thinking?  Did you all lose a bet?

Now, the OTHER list to which I have added is the one titled Reasons I Can't Stand Madonna.  The addition is that she kept fans in Melbourne waiting for three hours before finally taking to the stage.  Huh, I wouldn't have waited three minutes to see this soulless hag. How unprofessional!  You will not raise an eyebrow to know that she has an entry on the Shit Remakes Of Once Good Songs list with her, um, interpretation of 'American Pie'.  I'm not sure if I class the original as a good one at the moment because I get very over it very quickly, given you can go out and do your grocery shopping and when you come home, it's STILL bloody going!  The other reasons I cannot tolerate Madge, briefly, are:

1. She's fake.
2. Her singing voice hurts my years.
3. She courts controversy to detract attention from the fact her songs are pedestrian.
4. She tried to appropriate the death of the Princess of Wales to create attention for herself ('I felt like I was in that car with her' - oh puh-leeze and puke!).
5. She pretends she doesn't understand why people get upset when she pulls stupid stunts like entering the stage on a crucifix with a crown of thorns on her big, fat head.  In my dictionary, this is pissing down people's legs and telling them it's raining.
6. She's a publicity whore.
7. She wrote Malala Yousafzai's name on her back, and I'm pretty sure she showed everyone her bum afterwards.
8. She keeps showing everyone her boob, or her bum, and doesn't stop to consider a person with true sex appeal and talent doesn't actually need to do this.

Anyway, I'm on my way to check out the motel in which Mr Bingells and I shall be enjoying luxury this evening - I won a voucher.

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