Oh, dear. People do get sillier by the day, do they not? I sometimes wonder if people are just coming out with ludicrous ideas to get attention they desperately crave, or if they should in fact have their medication tweaked. I often watch a bit of breakfast television to prime me for the day, and to learn what's happened overnight on this planet. Well, this morning I heard of the news of a former Labor minister Gary Johns' dickwad of an idea for it to be compulsory for people on welfare benefits to use contraception. Now, the main problem with this arsehat of an idea is this is Australia, and not China. Also, Johns, you TWAT, here's another thing: you cannot force a person of sound mind to take medication. I do believe the contraceptive pill could be classed as medication. Truly, man, what the total fuck? Seriously? So wrong and stupid on more levels than you'd find in a game of Donkey Kong. Is this some warped idea of social engineering you dreamed up one night? Have you been sucking on a crack pipe? Wrong, offensive, and elitist. And throwing in her two cents' worth was Pauline Hanson, the Boomerang Kid of Australian Politics. She said it was her opinion (to which she is entitled, don't get me wrong, but here's MINE....) the taxpayer should not be subsidising the second and subsequent children for women who have children - are you sitting down? Is your bladder emptied? - OUT OF WEDLOCK. Yeah, she said 'out of wedlock'. Who the fuck says 'out of wedlock' these days. Oh, that's right: Pauline Hanson. Does this mean only married people should have kids? Some of the most worthy parents I know didn't actually legally marry. It knocked me for six, let me tell you all. Enforced contraception sounds like it's targeting women, too. And what if the contraception fails? What's Plan B, you useless bunch of morons?
Let me tell you a story. A true story. Back in 1452, a peasant girl of known 'easy virtue' (commit that phrase to memory, Pauline; I'm sure you're going to use it in one of your next speeches) gave birth to a kid, 'out of wedlock'. Oh, even TYPING that stupid phrase makes me ashamed. The kid's biological father was well-to-do, but no matter because the woman was a rather impoverished lass who liked sex. But remove your socks, because this will knock them off. That illegitimate kid with the less than prosperous single mother turned out to be LEONARDO DA VINCI!!!! Yes, talent and genius don't care WHO the parents are!!! This is a very good reason to not decide who and who cannot sow the seeds of their loins.
And a few other names on the Illegitimate List: Confucius, Lawrence of Arabia, and William the Conqueror. So Johns and Hanson, dismount that fucking high horse before it bucks you off. I don't care if the poorer types have kids. I'd rather our politicians undergo mandatory testing to see whether or not they are in fact clinically brain-dead, and I suspect some of them are.
What do you guys think of sledging in sports? I personally think trying to throw someone off their game is incredibly bad sportsmanship, but I don't mind a good sledge. Especially if it's a good comeback. Naturally, racist and homophobic sledges are not on, but every now and then, a player comes out with a good one. Ian Chappell is apparently concerned sledging could lead to biffo, but not if the players are falling about laughing. Apparently, Glenn McGrath was frustrated at being unable to bowl out portly South African Eddo Bandes. McGrath, in a less-than-Wildean moment, demanded, 'Why are you so fat?' Bandes replied, "Because every time I fuck your wife, she gives me a biscuit!' Ka-ZING! Full points to Bandes, and apparently the rest of the Aussie team were falling about laughing. Laughter is a great thing.
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