We are halfway through November already, and to use a hackneyed phrase: Christmas is almost upon us. I've already started Christmas shopping (well, buying one gift at a market yesterday counts, doesn't it?). As much as I like Christmas, it's a bloody stressful time of year. The crowds would rival the platform of a major train station in Tokyo during rush hour. You rush around like your feet are on fire and your arse is catching as you try to get things organised, and the actual 'lunch' is over in a few hours, and SOMEONE has to wash up. The season has sad connotations for me; both my parents and my father-in-law died over the Christmas/New Year period. It's easy to be melancholic, but you are allowed to be happy, and you have to live. Anyway, there are a few constants about Christmas that contribute to the associated stress:
1. Someone will have a moan about some problematic Christmas carol, or song traditionally played at Christmas. Last year it was Baby, It's Cold Outside because some woke as fuck clowns said the song was predatory. From what I can tell, the male in the song is trying to convince the female to stay with him (yeah, he probably wants to bang her, but so what?), but he's not actually forcing her to stay. I still recall Rupert Nureyev performing this on The Muppets in a duet with Miss Piggy. In a gender twist, the shy hesitant character was played by Nureyev, and it was the porcine diva who portrayed the wannabe seducer. If a (then) closeted gay man and a stuffed effigy of a sow, that was operated and voiced by a man, can sing it and maintain their dignity, then just treat the song for what it is: a SONG. Besides, The Little Drummer Boy is much worse. That song totally blows, and if I was Our Lady, I'd grab that kid's drum and force it over his head like a watermelon for bashing the drum and waking up my newborn.
2. Recycling of misconceptions and flawed tropes via shouty memes in my newsfeed. You know, the ones that go We Aren't Allowed To Say Merry Christmas Because It Will Offend Muslims. This popular favourite will be followed closely by the runner-up complaining that any given major department store will not have a Christmas-themed display in their window, and someone will be moaning about 'Happy Holidays' being a portent of doom and the annihilator of Christmas and all other things associated with western civilisation. A few points, folks: by and large, neither Muslims, Buddhists, Jews, Hindus, Rastafarians, adherents to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, nor atheists are bothered if someone says 'Merry Christmas' in a moment of goodwill and bonhomie. They are more likely delighted someone took the time to be polite and friendly. Some people say 'Happy Holidays' because this time of year is sacred to other faiths as well, and it is in an inclusive term. When I look at it this way, it doesn't bother me at all, although I personally prefer the sound of 'Season's Greetings'. But I will keep saying, 'Merry Christmas', and I'm sure you won't be offended. If you are, then that's your CHOICE, and I'm not apologising. But can people please stop buying into the crud that gets circulated every year at this time? Who's doing this; is it people who want to be deliberately divisive? Can you just stop? Christmas is stressful enough as it is.
3. Signs that read: Santa, Please Stop Here. Those twee representations of kitsch that get pushed into the front lawn get up my nose. I know I sound like a Grinch, but I can't explain it; I see one of these signs and have to fight an almost uncontrollable urge to go and snap the damn thing off its spike. But I don't. And do you know why? I'm not a colossal jerk.
Did anyone else read about the tweet sent by Will.I.Am regarding his treatment on a Qantas flight? He's claimed the flight attendant was racist. I don't know if the attendant was racist because I wasn't on the flight, but wasn't it the case he didn't remove his headphones to listen to the safety procedures? There were federal officers awaiting him at Brisbane, which seems a little over-the-top for a refusal to remove headphones, but I'm wondering where is the racism in this? I've read comments by people who purport to have been on the said flight, who have stated the attendant's behaviour was unacceptable, and The Veronicas have weighed in and said they had problems with that same attendant. Maybe the attendant has no people skills, which is kind of a problem if you're working as a flight attendant. I will conclude this blog posting by saying this: I don't think the Black-Eyed Peas ever recorded a song that didn't shit me to tears.
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