Being Vocally Vocative

I cannot recall when I last purchased a women's magazine. The ones I regularly purchased were Cosmopolitan, Cleo, and Australian Women's Forum. AWF folded, sadly, and I guess I kind of got over the two Cs when I had a baby because I found I couldn't relate to the headlines ('Does My Bum Look Big In This & Other Dilemmas'). I have never purchased New Idea or Woman's Day. My late mother subscribed to the latter (hiding it before my late father birddogged it and did the crossword puzzle), and was a frequent purchaser of the former, so I'd have a read of her copies, and wonder why I had bothered.

Whenever I'm at the checkout and glancing over the magazine covers, I am reminded why I am not in the habit of purchasing them. The headlines alone are dreadful and obviously totally fabricated bull droppings: 'Kate Middleton Pregnant Again, & This Time It's Twins!' (note to magazine editors: she is the Duchess of Cambridge, and she had probably eaten cauliflower with her lunch, and was rubbing her stomach to ease the ensuing gas attack. If she WAS pregnant, the Palace would have issued a formal statement. My use of the word 'Palace' in this manner is called metonymy, and maybe you twits could look that up, too); Jennifer Pregnant! (note to magazine editors: Jennifer Aniston is in her fifties); Kate & Megan At Loggerheads! (note to magazine editors: they are known as the Duchess of Cambridge and the Duchess of Sussex respectively, and how would you know if they were at loggerheads, aside from the ubiquitous 'palace insider'?).

But one of them really had me grinding my teeth today. It reflected some supposed grievances of Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie of York against their father, Prince Andrew (there's probably a bit of merit in this claim, I'd be a bit pissed off if he was my dad, too). But there was a quote on the front page, and it went like this: 'How Could You Dad?'

Read that quote, and tell me what's missing. Yes, it's the good old vocative comma! You know, the one that goes before the person being personally addressed. The quote, which is also doubtlessly made up by some shit-gibbon editor, should have read: 'How Could You, Dad?', and when I saw that outrageous crime against grammar, I am sure I looked a little like this:

I mean, seriously, what is 'How Could You Dad' meant to signify? Minus that all-important vocative comma, the question appears to be seeking an answer as to how one carries out the activity of 'dadding'. I don't know what dadding is; do you? I'm thinking it might be some millennial idiom relating to parenting from the male perspective. Before any of you millennials derisively sneer, 'Okay, Boomer' at me, I will take the opportunity to point out I am Gen X.

Well, that's me done for now. Like many, I am heartbroken over the death of Lewis the Koala. The footage of him crying in pain as the kind rescuers put water on him put a lump in my throat. I hoped he would pull through, but his injuries were very severe.  Poor baby. But it's not just Lewis; it's all the wildlife that has perished in this vicious cycle of conflagration. Why couldn't the Government address the concerns raised by the Fire Service months ago? Were they too busy dreaming up ways to be even bigger twatwaffles with their heads in the sand? Hell, we're led by a clown who wants people to work until they're 70, and then practically passes out climbing a hill (and Morrison's 51).

I'm out of here, but thanks for reading.