Ashby is Getting Saucy

'On the sauce'; isn't that an interesting name for getting stonkered, drunk, imbibing, intoxication? It's been bandied about by James Ashby from One Nation to explain a rather questionable, to say the least, step they took by approaching the NRA. Here are some things I have done whilst on the sauce, and some them are very dull-witted decisions, to say the least:

1. Sung karaoke. You're likely thinking: So what? Lots of people have had a few drinks and belted out 'Rhinestone Cowboy' or 'MacArthur Park', so what makes you so special? You haven't heard me sing. I've got a voice that could drop a scud missile.

2. Told a string of filthy jokes. I have a remarkable repertoire of blue jokes, too.

3. Gone skinny-dipping.

4. Sneaked into my local swimming pool (no, it does not correlate with the point immediately above).

5. Tried to climb over a toilet stall wall to rescue a friend who had passed out on the floor therein, an apparent victim of drink spiking. I was stopped by another pub patron who had the advantage of youth and agility. She climbed the wall into the stall, and it was then we discovered the stall door was unlocked. We called an ambulance, and my friend turned out fine.

6. Busted some really terrible mum-moves on the dancefloor.

What I have NOT done, nor would I even consider, James Ashby and Steve Dickson, is seeking advice from the NRA about weakening Australia's gun laws. Our gun laws are actually working. Fuck me sideways with a toaster, you two are a pair of colossal shit-bags! You would be the first people to cry foul at any implied interference in our politics from a foreign nation (or doesn't it count because the nation in question has lots of whites?). Please consider this: today the father of one of the children slaughtered in the Sandy Hook massacre died, and it appears to be suicide. You could bet your lungs it's somehow related to the unspeakable grief from that terrible day.

Call me whimsical, or call me a dreamer, but I've got this funny quirk whereby I like the fact that when my kids go to school, there's a better chance of them coming home in one piece because they haven't been massacred by some sick fuck with an assault rifle. I'm funny like that.