Friday, 21 December 2018

My Chrissie List

Again, I'm pretending to be the Grand High Executioner from The Mikado, and making my little list.  Here's some of the items on My Little List:

1. Christmas Songs On My Playlist:

1.1 Merry Christmas by Slade. Well, why wouldn't I? Anybody who knows me knows I loves me a bit of glam rock. I just love glam (today I bought rhinestone craft pieces with which to decorate my new phone cover, but didn't get craft glue, so will be back to the shops later). Noddy Holder has the dress sense of a gay clown and a face like a dropped pie, but even through the computer screen, the man's charisma is palpable. His voice sounds like it's being dragged over broken glass, and man he can belt it out. I will admit I'm quite partial to Slade - have been since I was about nine years old - so it makes sense I would include this one on my Chrissie playlist.

1.2 Rockin' Christmas by Ol' 55. For those of you who don't know, this is a gorgeous retro-themed one from my younger days. I think I might have been ten when it came out. You might recall Ol' 55 were a type of pet project for rock historian Glenn A Baker, and the band had a Fifties style.  The band also had actor/singer Frankie J Holden on lead vocals, and Wilbur Wilde on saxophone. This song always puts me in a good mood, and when I was younger it never really felt like Christmas until the radio stations played it.

Mariah Carey and Wham: get in the bin. Your Christmas songs blow mightily, and these two are great.

2. Things I Like About Christmas:

2.1 Bonhomie and good cheer.

2.2 Presents.

2.3 Driving at night to look at Christmas lights around town.

2.4 Food.

2.5 Nativity!, which is a fun and whimsical British movie about a school teacher who finds himself in charge of organising the school's nativity play. It stars Martin Freeman.

3. Things I Don't Like About Christmas:

3.1 Grinches.

3.2 Certain Christmas decorations, to wit, those little signs that stick in the ground, reading: 'Santa, please stop here'. I cannot explain why, but for some reason those signs get right up my nose. I wouldn't be so petty and venal to go into someone's yard, then knock over or pull out the sign, but Gawd-strike-me-bloody-magenta, those signs shit me.

3.3 Flies. This is Australia, and when having your Christmas lunch outside in forty degree heat and a westerly wind, you will likely be battling the little black bastards, who will be dive-bombing your food like little black Luftwaffe.

3.4 Love, Actually I started off not minding this movie, but now it just gets on my nerves. It's a discombobulated quagmire of vignettes wherein everyone's miserable or wants to shag someone he or she is not allowed to shag, usually for societal reasons. I found myself shouting to the Laura Linney character, when she was about to boink that hot dude from her creative agency when her brother (a person with intellectual disability) rang, thus creating some kind of pre-coitus interruptus: 'For Christ's sake, your brother is in care! Now just give  yourself some self-care and let the staff at the home tend to him, and jump that guy's bones already!' I also wondered what planet the staff of 10 Dowling Street were inhabiting, when they were describing the Natalie character as being chubby or big-thighed. She looked pretty normal to me. And how's that bit where Colin flies to the States and has three hot women screwing him because he's British? Hello? Viewers, please suspend all belief whilst viewing. On an interesting side note, this movie also features Martin Freeman, who stars in the movie I mentioned in 2.5 above.

Anyway, that's my little list for today, folks.

I'm hoping to blog before the 25th, but if I don't, as Noddy growl-screams at the beginning of one of the You Tube clips for 1.1 above: 'Meeeeeerrrrrrry Chrrrrrrisssssssstmassssssssss!'

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