Another year has passed without me making the Queen's Birthday List. I still do not have the letters OAM behind my name. I occasionally have the letters JP behind my name, but that OAM still eludes me.
Just as there is some kind of Honours List for the birthday of Her Maj (yeah, I know it's not really her birthday), there is a Dishonours List. It's not for Her Maj, it's for me. I've compiled a list of twatwaffles and cockwombles and arsehats, and here it is, together with a brief explanation of the achievement that placed them in this not-so-esteemed category:
1. Tanya Davies MP. Lady, you're a mess and a disgrace. You actively voted against safe zones around abortion clinics, and your deficient logic was that the people protesting served as 'sidewalk counsellors'. Listen, I don't know what you're on, but you should change doctors. They are not 'sidewalk counsellors'. They are zealous bigoted thugs harassing women who are likely in a very vulnerable place emotionally. No counsellor of repute stands in the street shouting unsolicited advice to people whose stories they do not know. I don't care if these people have a different opinion to mine; it is after all their right. I do care about the vicious tactics, and if any of you harassing hogshits are reading this, it's not your uterus so stay away. Ms Davies, that you would endorse this treatment of and encroachment upon the person rights of women whilst you hold the portfolio of Minister for Women just beggars belief. Your position is untenable, and you should do women a favour by resigning.
2. Barnaby Joyce for crying that he wants a tort of privacy after filming a photographer who had lain in wait in the bushes outside church. You're another one who was happy for distressed and vulnerable women to be harangued and possibly filmed by Ms Davies' 'sidewalk counsellors'. Now you're crying because someone photographed you leaving your church. How would you feel about people harassing you on your way to worship? You know, maybe waving placards about children sexually abused by priests, or beaten by nuns and brothers? Get where I'm going with this? As an aside, the photographer who took the picture gets a mention on this list because who cares if Barnaby goes to church? We all know he's a hypocrite. And he's really not all that interesting. (Also, this was one of the paparazzi who sprayed Heath Ledger with a water pistol some years ago, which is a pretty weak and puerile act).
3. Rudy Giuliani. He's advising and acting for Trump in some capacity. I don't care about that, per se. Trump is entitled to counsel. What I care about are his comments regarding Stormy Daniels' profession. He said she has 'no credibility', and if 'you're going to sell your body for money, you just don't have a reputation.' Well - and no pun intended - fuck you, Giuliani. I bet you've perused the odd porn magazine in your time. Did you hire the services of a Sherpa to help you reach the high moral ground? I don't really think you're in a position to spout off on credibility, given you announced the breakdown of one of your marriages (I'm not sure which wife it was, not the one to whom you're a cousin) at a press conference - before the wife concerned even knew! You're a total flog and cockwomble, and should eat a bowl of dicks.
4. Salubrious Trombone. Yeah, I don't know who the hell this deadshit is, either. It's a fake Twitter account who told me I should shave my vagina after I shave my armpits. I don't know why he told me this. I don't know why he thinks the hirsuteness of any part of my body is actually his business. I don't know why he cares. What's got me concerned is that if he ever met a woman with the poor enough taste to allow him access, he'd know the vagina is actually an internal organ! Salubrious, mate, I'm not sticking a razor up my snatch. Go away and learn some anatomy, why don't you?
There's my list. Enjoy it. Feel free to comment here and add your own nominees.
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