In a moment of Descarteness, I have decided: I blog, therefore I am. Usually I blog about what's annoying me, or got me shaking my head with disbelief at the unadulterated injudiciousness and doltishness that is spreading its tentacles across the world. It often manifests itself in the form of a Change dot org petition, petitions which makes me sneer, 'Fuck off!' as I simultaneously press the delete button with the index finger of my right hand and flip the bird with index finger of my left, when such purpose-devoid communications appear in my email inbox.
Today I saw a beauty, not in my inbox but in my Twitter feed. Of course, should it appear in my inbox it will suffer the same fate as its predecessors. The generator of this petition is calling for the boycott of Justice Geoffrey Marson QC, who last week sentenced Tommy Robinson to a prison sentence of thirteen months. Reader, I am unaware if you are a fan of Robinson or not. It doesn't matter. I am not a fan, and am of the firm belief his parents wasted a fuck and he should have been spurted into a Kleenex. Here are some salient points for you to consider:
1. Last year Robinson received a suspended sentence for committing contempt of court during a rape trial. He was told he faced prison if he re-offended. What that means, and surely to God even dimwits like Robinson can work it out, is that if the judge warns that you face a prison sentence should you re-offend whilst subject to a suspended sentence, and you re-offend: you go to prison (I typed those last four words slowly).
2. The fuckwit did it again. He carried out an act that constituted contempt of court, whilst still subject to a suspended sentence, and live-fed his buffoonery. Not only could the potential mistrial cost an astronomical amount of coin, it would mean witnesses have to undergo the ordeal of giving evidence again. Does anyone ever stop to think of the human cost?
3. He pleaded guilty to the offence referred to in (2) above, whereupon he was sentenced by Judge Marson QC, whom I am sure issued his sentence within the parameters of the law as it applied to the case before him.
Anyway, dissatisfied with the judge having done his duty as per his mandate, some dullard has started a petition calling for the boycott of Justice Marson. The spelling and punctuation of the petitioner, along with that of the signatories who have left comments, makes me wonder is it the work of dextrous chimpanzees. Perhaps it is a work of satire. I can only hope. If not, I will point out a few things. Again, I will type slowly:
1. You can't 'boycott' a judge.
2. You don't get to pick the judge who presides over your court case.
3. If there is a blatant conflict, the judge can stand down, or an application can be made to have that judge not preside over your court case.
4. Your petition is as fruitless as a desiccated mummy's womb (I'm talking about ancient Egyptian funeral practices, in case my analogy isn't clear).
5. Your petition makes as much sense as trying to slam a revolving door.
6. Your petition plumbs the darkest, swirling depths of bleak jackassery.
7. Your petition makes colonisation on Mars seem pretty appealing right now.
8. I want wine.
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