Who 'Nose' What Problems Will Arise?

If I did stupid things as a kid, nobody knew about it.  Well, that was the theory, anyway.  Having grown up in a small town, people did know what you did, and more often than not it was before you actually did what it was you were meant to have done.  Follow?

If I did something unpardonably dumb as a teenager, I had to wear the scorn and derision of those I knew. I was spared the contempt of all those with access to a computer (which is pretty much most 'civilised' people on the globe these days).  Had social media been a thing when I was a youngster, and I did something that made my family embarrassed to admit shared DNA, I would NOT have bragged about it in the form of an uploaded video.

I did do silly things when I was a teenager.  Prank calling with a friend for one.  Sneaking into the local swimming pool one night with friends was another (a funny story I'll save for another blog post).

Things I can say, with pride, that I did NOT do include guzzling pods of laundry detergent.  That lamentable craze appears to have passed, so we no longer have to worry about people ingesting, inter alia, sodium borate and ammonia.  Besides, we lived out of town and if any decision by me to guzzle cleaning products necessitated a trip to town by my mother to replace the product, I need have had no fear of the side effects of my goofball gluttony: my mother would have killed me.

Other things I didn't do include unravelling a condom, stuffing it into one nostril, plugging the other nostril and then inhaling until condom travels to back of throat, reaching in, and pulling it out my mouth.  For those of you reading who happen to have not heard of this craze: no, I did not type that wrong.  Kids, why?  Just... why?  My stomach is churning at the thought.  Nausea aside, this is actually a potentially dangerous stunt. Why? Because the thing could get stuck in your throat, whereupon you will choke and die. It could be parenthetically inferred from this that your parents should have used a condom the night you were conceived.

I've been tutoring English in my spare time, and subtext plays a part in what is being read.  Condom-snorters, there is a subtext in these videos you upload, and that subtext is as obvious and unavoidable as lump of dog shit on a wedding cake.  In case you need it explained, it goes like this:

When you make this video and upload it, no doubt chortling with glee as you pull the nasal-journeyed franger* out your mouth, you think you are saying: Look what fun I am, everybody! I join in with the trends and am part of the pop culture zeitgeist of my time!

The SUBTEXT of what you are saying is: Look what a fuckwit I am, everybody! I follow the craze no matter how half-arsed or potentially dangerous it might be, without a thought to the possibility my dumbarsery is being seen by potential employers, or potential college admission staff, or potential boy- or girlfriends, and it will hang around for all eternity for people to know that I am a colossal cockwomble!

Please stop doing this. If you must challenge your pimply hormonal ilk, how about this for a challenge: #ReadABook ?

* Australian slang for a condom, probably a derivative of French letter.