Unto Us A Prince Is Born & Tedious Tunes

"Fear not, for I bring glad tidings. A king is born."

Well, not actually a king.  Not yet.  More like a prince, and he MIGHT become king one day but he's fifth in line to the throne, so unless a meteor wipes out the others before him, he probably won't be wearing a butt-groove into that chair in the future.  Don't know his name yet, but the Palace will make the Royal Announcement in a few days.  The betting types are favouring Arthur and Charles in the names.  I'm guessing there won't be a Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee's kid, and how I wish I was making up that atrocious name), or a Saint (Kanye West's kid), or a Moses (Gwyneth Paltrow's kid), or a Dweezil (Frank Zappa's kid) anywhere among the Royal monikers.  This is not a bad thing.

Anyway, I'm turning off the television for a while, because I've had my fill of hearing about the Royal sprog.  Don't get me wrong, I am happy for the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, and I think the birth of a healthy baby is great news; it's just that I'm up to the part in my hair (long overdue for colour and foils treatment) hearing about it.  Also, it is really getting up my nose that the media are comparing Kate to her late mother-in-law because - Are you sitting down?  Comfy?  Done a wee? Ready for this? - she stood on the steps of the hospital, babe in arms, and she was wearing a red dress, JUST LIKE DIANA DID WHEN SHE INTRODUCED PRINCE HARRY TO THE WORLD ALL THOSE YEARS AGO!!!! Does it not occur to everybody jizzing themselves over this that maybe, just MAYBE, the Duchess of Cambridge happens to like red? It was a bold colour and she looked gorgeous, no doubt thanks to the assistance of a hairdresser and makeup artist.  But for shit's sake everyone, it's just a red dress!  It's a coincidence,  Yes, both frocks had white collars, too, but can everyone stop reading so much into this?  It's beyond tedious, and a touch obnoxious, and it makes me feel rather sorry for the poor woman.

Anyway, welcome to the world, Prince To-Be-Named.  Looking at the footage of your little face, I thought you looked a little like your mum.  And being a newborn, you also look a little like a skinned rabbit.

I don't know why, but the other night I started to compile a list of songs that are seriously boring to listen to.  I heard one on the radio the other day: Toy Soldiers by Martika.  This is a tedious tune that is as dreary as the dried bat guano on the floor of a cave.  I have to change stations if it comes on when I'm driving (I tend to listen to AM a lot because I'm, well, old) because if I don't, I run the risk of becoming catatonic and causing a crash.  So, here's a list of soporific songs:

Toy Solders by Martika
Mull of Kintyre by Wings (how in hell did that become No. 1?)
Classic by Adrian Gurvitz
Born in The USA by Bruce Springsteen (repetitive noise, and he sounds like he's in pain)
Man in the Mirror by Michael Jackson (also a potential emetic)
Screaming Jets by Johnny Warman (boring as fuck)

Those songs will not be making an appearance on my iPod any time soon.