With the new Star Wars film about to open (and my oldest like a chook hopping about on a hot plate with the excitement), I've kind of been channelling Yoda, and thinking in Yoda's voice, 'Strong is the Stupid with this one!' more than I would like to, of late.
This Yoda-ish platitude came to my mind when I saw on the news footage has been taken of Bill Shorten driving whilst using his mobile telephone. Bill, I don't know if you really care about the ramblings of a struggling rural author, but I must ask you this: Are you stupid? Mate, this is against the law. Also, and please take a moment to let this absorb, it's fucking DANGEROUS! You could have wiped someone out. If it's that important, pull over. You have been awarded my Dickhead Of The Week Award. The runner-up award goes to the imbecile who took that footage on his/her own telephone whilst driving his/her own car.
Again, I shook my head as I read a comment on social media - maybe I'm spending to much time thereon - telling me I am a 'dick' for an opinion I expressed. Listen, if this person thinks I am a dick, then that's her problem; it is of little consequence to me. I've been called worse. No, it's more to do with her describing what she feared were Chinese men purchasing infant formula to send to China as 'greedy gooks buying for them selfs'. Sigh. Hopefully she has found a UDL can from which to quaff, and her ire has abated.
Now, although I have had a hectic week in many respects, it has also been a good one. On Thursday, I signed the contract for the publication of my next novel. This novel will probably be available later next year. The evaluation editor, in her report, used phrases like 'interesting and fascinating' together with 'mystery and tension'. She believes it would have reasonable prospects in the young adult market, but I feel it should appeal to older adults, too. It is a variance from my usual satirical style; it is a first person narrative from a seventeen-year-old girl trying to write her memoirs in 1982. It is NOT autobiographical, but naturally I drew on many of my own experiences, as most writers do. When she's writing and wondering where to start, she remembers a particular day being Remembrance Day 1975, when a nun excitedly announced to the class Whitlam had been sacked. I thought this would be a good image for the reader, and an identifiable one. Many of us of a certain age do remember receiving this news, and yeah, for me it was via a nun who appeared in the classroom door, gave the news in a gleeful manner, and then disappeared like a rabid bat in the night. I felt confused, and wondered why Sister Mary Bad-Tempered-Skank should take delight in somebody's downfall. Obviously this good (choke!) Sister of St Joseph was not really called Sister Mary Bad-Tempered-Skank, but in the interest of law suit avoidance, I have re-named her thus. Besides, my moniker suits her greatly.
So, I'm starting my marketing early, and hoping everyone is intrigued enough to buy the book when it comes back from the printer. The flipside of this is I might make everyone so fed-up with the hype, they refuse to buy it as a matter of principle.
After the Christmas break, I will forward a cover art questionnaire to the publisher, along with an author photo for the back jacket. Mr Bingells, a very good photographer, will be entrusted to take the picture. I shall refrain from the odious trend of duck-face. I might grease up my arse like Kim Kardashian did for the a stupid picture that, as they say, 'broke the Internet'. If you care, my arse is nowhere near the size of Kim's, so will not need to be shot in a panoramic style. I have suggested replicating this shot to Mr Bingells, but he is not keen - might be something to do with his own artistic integrity as the photographer. I then suggested I balance a champagne glass on my bum with the open bottle being held over my head as the sparkly stuff gushes into said glass. Again, this probably won't work as I don't have sufficient arse area to balance the glass. Well, let's face it: these are the shots that are getting noticed. Maybe I should try doing something different. Perhaps I'll do a DIGNIFIED author photo. Yes, that could be the ticket - dignified.
The new book, by the way, is titled 'Howling On A Concrete Moon'. This was thought up by my eleven-year-old. I was about halfway through the first draft, and he suddenly asked, 'Mum, could you call your book 'Howling On A Concrete Moon'?' I agreed it was a catchy title, and set out figuring out a way for that title to make sense in the work. This was eventually achieved.
Finally, I just want to share my three favourite guitar solos:
1. Mick Ronson in Ian Hunter's 'Once Bitten, Twice Shy'.
2. Chris Spedding in Bryan Ferry's 'This Is Tomorrow'.
3. Allen Collins and Garry Rossington in Lynard Skynard's 'Freebird'.
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