Getting Shirty

A warning to all ye who enter here: you might read something that offends your tender sensibilities.  I'm not going to deliberately offend anybody, but if you are someone who looks to be offended, chances are offended is what you will be by what I intend to write.  As Yoda might say: 'Offended you are?  Shit I don't give!' 

We are fast approaching the day when slogans and pictures will no longer be printed on T-shirts because they are offensive.  No matter how innocuous the intention of the designer or the wearer, there will be the type of outrage that normally would be more commensurate with some repugnant little necrophiliac violating corpses in the morgue.  I am sure I will receive an email advising of the new online petition seeking the recall and removal of the T-shirts stocked by Jay Jays that read 'You Can't Sit Here'.  I am even more sure I will react in my usual manner, which is to sneer 'Fuck off!' at the screen, whilst slipping the bird with my left hand and clicking on 'delete' with my right.

The Perpetually Outraged take umbrage with this t-shirt because it, to their reasoning, promotes bullying.  I honestly don't know if it promotes bullying or not.  I am aware that kids practise this insidious form of bullying by ostracising, and of course, I think it's awful.  However, if someone wants to wear a t-shirt with a saying on it, then why must everyone lose their shit?  If someone is old enough to shop at Jay Jays, they are probably aware the slogan is a quote from the movie 'Mean Girls'.  Furthermore, their colleagues probably know the wearer is not deliberately trying to ostracise others.

There really are worse movie quotes which could be emblazoned upon t-shirts.  How about this little gem from 'The Exorcist': 'Your Mother Sucks Cocks In Hell'?  Would this be less offensive?  I guess it is a form of bullying to imply somebody's mother is fellating Satan's minions whilst the furnace blazes in the background.

My favourite movie is 'Pulp Fiction', and I am imagining someone printing a t-shirt with a reference to 'Dead N*gger Storage'.  You will note in the interests of prudence I have placed an asterisk in what is considered an immensely offensive word, and as much as I get a bit crapped off by political correctness, I certainly would not wear a t-shirt that read thus, although I think it's a great quote when placed in the context of the movie.

Soon, only t-shirts with plain solid colours will be allowed.  But then someone is going to ban white t-shirts on the basis they subliminally promote white supremacy.  Scoff if you will, but I wouldn't be surprised to see this happen.  Likewise, a black t-shirt will be deemed racist.  I'm currently wearing a blue t-shirt, which is actually more of a teal colour, and someone is probably going to think I'm promoting the slaughter of ducks.

I might start printing some shirts emblazoned with: 'It's A MOVIE QUOTE!', and 'Drink Some Cement & Harden Up!'.

Today I am suffering with a dire cold, and hoping it is not planning to morph into the flu.  I took some Codral night time tablets last night, but I think someone was day dreaming at the factory and put in the ingredients for the day time tablets, because I slept hardly at all, and felt as wired as a party goer at an 80s record company bash.   Mr Bingells is also suffering, as is my 14yo.  We are all as miserable as shags on rocks.  Never had a shag on a rock - I like my comfort!   I will have to crawl back to bed soon.

On My Mind: I recently met somebody who showed me some nasty scarring and skin grafting on his backside.  The story goes that in a fit of drunken exuberance, he stuffed thirty-two sparklers into his bum and lit them.  Not the brightest of things to do, but it was compounded by the fact he greased the sparklers for easier insertion with Vaseline petroleum jelly.  The combustion must have been enough to set off a flux capacitor.  This story kept me awake at night.