Why is the world just getting sillier and sillier? It must be getting sillier, because everybody is losing their shit over a photograph of Kim Kardashian's backside, and to be honest, it's making the enamel peel from my teeth in strips. STRIPS, I tell you! I cannot see the point to this oxygen thieving, publicity hungry hive of grubs that comprise the family (and get a dictionary guys - there are other letters in the alphabet besides 'K', you know). Everywhere you look when you go online lately is a photograph of her big fat bum (I'm not saying I have a peach, but it ain't bad, but you also ain't gonna find out, 'cos I ain't plastering it all over cyberspace in the erroneous belief that the world gives a shit about my bum), and it's greasy and shining like the lower lip of a drooling drunk in the pub. In what universe is this a great look? A bum one upon which a helicopter could be landed greased up and shining like a satellite? I think her entire body's been larded up for this photo shoot, and I'm wondering was it her intention to swim the English Channel. Did the bum cure cancer, contain and find a cure for the Ebola virus, or broker peace in the Middle East? It must have, because of all the publicity it's receiving. Over it, and annoyed with myself for giving it blog space.
Annoyed with being nagged to pay for a school excursion today. Apparently my kid's been told to nag for the school excursion money. I could understand this if the money was due today. It is not. It is due in a few days, but instead I got nagged today. I get paid tomorrow, and the excursion fees will be duly paid, but it is not fair to be nagged. 'Tell the school your mother is a struggling author and part-time AIN!' I exploded, adding, 'Tell them to go after the families that work in the mines and haven't paid.' Immensely unimpressed with this turn of events this morning.
Am not minding the re-working of Band Aid's 'Do They Know It's Christmas', with a view to donating funds to Ebola research. Felt a bit of a sad old git when I watched the film clip, and recognised almost nobody from the new version. In the 1984 one, I knew everybody in that clip the moment I watched it. I looked at it the other day, and recognised Bono (the urine-yellow sunnies kind of gave it away), and Midge Ure. Looked at the new line-up, and recognised Ed Sheeran and Seal (whose voice I adore), and - horribly - recognised One Direction. There's a young woman who does a few lines, and her voice is magic - must look up who she is. Now, just because Band Aid have re-imagined for Ebola, this doesn't mean USA for Africa should. Everyone knows my opinion on 'We Are The World' - that it tries to sound serious, and fails miserably with the result being a constipated sounding cacophony. Still, there are some artists in the US these days I'm liking, and if they do decide to ride on the coattails of Band Aid 30, here are some pointers:
1. DON'T have Cyndi Lauper squawk, 'Wo-wo-wo-wo-wo!' It was monstrously ugly then, and shall be in #2.
2. DON'T have Bob Dylan made a godawful noise at the end of it.
3. DON'T talk about God-this, God-that. They aren't all Christians in Africa, and your bleating whilst probably not deliberately culturally insensitive, did kind of miss the mark with me.
4. DO what you should have done last time: have Eddie Van Halen rip a beaut guitar solo into it and detract from all the sweetness, light, and saccharine.
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