Got something to say? Then, say it! Don't know how to say it? Try some of these options:
1. Stand on an upturned box in Hyde Park on a Sunday afternoon (do people still do Politics in the Park? I haven't lived in Sydney for years, so I haven't been to Hyde Park on a Sunday afternoon in years).
2. Start a Facebook page dedicated to your cause.
3. Start a blog (hey, it worked for me).
4. Try an open letter to the newspaper.
5. Use your socials (look how hip and youthful I am, everyone; I said 'socials' instead of Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and You Tube. I am so au fait and in with the contemporary badinage bandied about by young folk today).
6. Contact your local Member of Parliament.
7. Lobby like fuck to get a law changed.
For the love of Crimony, don't do this: chuck an egg at someone. I am not only addressing the gronk known in Hashtag-Land as #EggGirl, but I'm addressing everybody under the age of, say, twenty-seven, who thinks they can best make their political disgruntlement known by throwing an egg at, or smashing an egg on, the head of whatever politico has pissed them off. I've specified under the age of twenty-seven, but if anybody older than twenty-seven is thinking of hoiking a googy at someone, don't you do it, either. Not only is this childish to say the least, it is an ASSAULT, and the aftermath of the scuffle can have some unpleasant consequences, such as that poor old lady who took a spill in the melee after the actions of that she-gronk Egg Girl yesterday.
Do we blame the media beat-up in the wake of Egg Boy for this? After all, he was kind of hailed as a hero in the press by many people. I didn't think he was a hero; I thought he was a twerp.
Egg Girl (I'm not saying your name because I can't be bothered checking for it, and I don't know about any legal ramifications of addressing you by your name), have you ever heard the saying, 'The pen is mightier than the sword?' Probably not; you're too busy trawling through social media to see what can offend you today, and help you establish your status as a seriously woke individual. Well, maybe if you have a look at the options I've set out above, you might notice a current theme: they require words. Did your mother ever say, 'Use your words' when you were griping for something as a toddler? I told my kids to use their words, and I know other mums have done the same. But even as an adult, you should 'use your words'. A well-put argument holds so much more weight and leverage than a petulant, childish act that results in someone being splattered with what boils down to chook menstruation. Oh, and your throw was really pretty piss-weak; the shell didn't even crack! It's mean of me to make fun of someone else's bowling, given I was always the last kid picked for the sporting teams, but your lousy bowl really just lends an air of extra mediocrity to your entire infantile dummy-spit.
Yep, you're a gronk. It must be Gronk Week. I saw another one today. She was riding a bicycle, so is this like a Gronk-on-Wheels? Anyway, the lights went green, so I started to drive. She started to ride into the traffic from the kerb, notwithstanding the little man would have been RED! I had to hit my brake quick-smart. If you're reading this, you imbecile, please consider the good of future generations and have yourself sterilised.
Well, that's me done. I'm off for a few days. Ciao for now.
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