Like it or not, and whether you want to call it Australia Day or Invasion Day, 26 January is approaching. I don't know if I'm rostered to work yet or not. If not, I will probably celebrate with a few coldies and play some Aussie music. Some people will be sworn in as citizens that day by their respective local councils, and to those people, I say this: Congratulations, and it's great to have you. Regardless of what Scummo reckons, you wear what you want, and I daresay you will likely dress appropriately for the occasion, anyway. It's what's inside that matters the most, not the wrapping.
I don't know if all the local councils in our land are going to officially celebrate Australia Day on 26 January, but by the Living Harries, if you don't, you are certainly going to have the journalists (journalists? bahahahahahaha! I slay even myself at times!) at Sky News Australia getting their boxer shorts, such shorts no doubt having the Southern Cross motif, in quite a tangle. Today I saw some dude giving his opinion, and I thought his head was going to fill with blood and explode, like in that movie Scanners. Watching his asinine diatribe kind of had my own head feeling the same. This bloke's name, in the Aussie tradition of truncating nouns, is 'Gleeso'. He was going off about the movement to change the date of Australia Day, and the decisions of some councils to not swear in new citizens and/or have official celebrations. Peter Gleeson, or Gleeso if that's what you prefer, can I just point out these things to you:
1. You talked about the leftie elitists needing a 'cause celebre'. I like fancy phrases, too, and I will give you points for effort, but just a hint: it's not pronounced 'cause seller-BRAY'. It is pronounced 'cause say leb', with equal accented stress on all three syllables.
2. You said the actions of these councils was 'tantamount to treason'. When you delivered this view, I was hoping there were paramedics on standby with defibrillators and adrenaline to bring you back round, because you were about to pass out with the apoplexy. Treason? Mate, do you know what treason is? Clearly not, so sit back because I'm going to give you a really basic idea of what constitutes an act of treason in Australia. Treason, according to Australian law, entails the deliberate killing of a sovereign or heir, or the engaging in war alongside enemy against Australia. Interestingly, it apparently also entails banging the wife of the sovereign. No matter how you spin it, stretch it, or interpret it, the councils are NOT committing an act of treason.
3. You said it was 'unAustralian'. That is the most ineffectual, pointless, meaningless, steaming shitball of a word EVER! It is bandied about by those who are losing the argument. It is like trying to scare away a charging rhino by flapping one's hands and yelling, 'Shoo! Bad rhino! Get away!'
Did Clive Palmer ever go to school? I'm guessing not, because he has learned NO lesson from the total clusterfuck of destroying We're Not Gonna Take It. His minions have come up with some app, and it uses the Culture Club hit Karma Chameleon, reworded as Palmer Chameleon. I really wish I was making that up, but I'm not. And as you can imagine, Boy George's people are not happy that their song is being used in this manner. Hey, Clive, I've got an idea for you. If you must fuck up Culture Club songs, how about these:
1. Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?, but sing it to the employees you fucked over; and
2. I'll Tumble 4 Ya, and go right ahead and do it, but down a rocky embankment.
Ciao for now, reader.
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