I am not qualified to give out investment advice, or advice on anything regarding the Stock Market. However, it occurs to me that purchasing some shares in Viagra could net bulk dividends, and earn me a nice little nest egg which I might pop into an account in the Cayman Islands. If PM Turnbull gets a chance, maybe he can give me some pointers? Reader, you might think this over, too, because I believe Viagra is going to be The Place wherein to make your fortune. I have often whimsically thought if time travel were a possibility I would tell my younger self to invest in Apple. Crossing this fourth dimension isn't an option to me, so I'm going to get me a broker to procure me some shares in Viagra.
Why Viagra, you are no doubt asking. Well, like the geek on The Curiosity Show used to say: I'm glad you asked. The reason is that the world is being overrun and infested with soft-cocks, and therefore Viagra will be in great demand to remedy this insidious soft-cockery. People are now calling for voicemail to be 'banned' because the prospect of leaving a recorded message is causing people to experience anxiety. Similarly, the notion of retrieving a recorded message conjures up the same emotion in some people. What the actual fuck? I understand it can be nerve-wracking to leave a message, particularly if you're not one for public speaking. And you wouldn't be alone; public speaking is one of the top fears people have. But instead of calling for something to be banned, how about just not leaving a message? How about disabling the function on your technology, so you won't have to retrieve the message? Or better yet, how about planting some gonad seeds between your miserable, spindly, scared legs and GROWING A PAIR!!!!!! Fuck me, some people are ridiculous. Before the accusations fly in about how I am dismissive of people with mental health issues, I am not. I have mental health first aid training and the point that stayed with me the most is that people's fears and neuroses are REAL to them. I have great empathy for people who are frightened. But my patience will only stretch so far when it seems people are just being downright bloody stupid. Yes, speaking can be nerve wracking. But at some stage, you are likely to have to. You can't expect functions to be banned just because you're a Scaredy-Cat-Scaredy-Cat-Sitting-On-The-Doormat. Drink a cup of cement and harden the fuck up.
I'm not sure if soft-cockery is at play in the moaning about cultural appropriation so much as stupidity. The latest I've heard is some people are grousing about Catholic appropriation in costumes at the Met Gala, particularly Rhianna, whose outfit was rather Bishopric. I'm really yearning for the days of my childhood when the musicians I adored would wear all sorts of lairy, other culturally inspired, outfits. And being a glam rock fan, I saw some beauties (think of The Sweet in Native American inspired outfits singing Wig Wam Bam). But if everyone wants to have a moan about someone wearing what looks like Catholic clerical costumes, go on You Tube and find some footage of Skyhooks on Countdown singing Horror Movie. Red Symonds is in cardinal red bishop robes, and sporting a mitre on his head. I still recall my mother chortling, 'He's got the Bishop's hat!' My mother was a woman of great faith, yet didn't let Red Symonds in a cheeky outfit bother her. This was because she had common sense. And all those who are bothered, I suggest you get some common sense, too.
Okay, you know the world's gone nutty when someone who likely doesn't have children suggests you get your child's permission prior to changing its nappy. This woman has been ridiculed, but I think what she's after is instilling a sense of bodily autonomy in a child at an early age. Children have to be made aware they have rights over their own body. Couldn't agree more on that score. She reckons parents should say things like, 'I'm just going to change your nappy now, okay?' This is problematic for a couple of reasons. Firstly, people are really very tired of being told how to look after their children. Personally, I reckon if they're fed, clothed, bathed, and aware they're loved then you're doing something right as a parent. Secondly, babies can't express permission very eloquently. My oldest had a vocabulary that vacillated between a contented 'gah' type of coo when he was happy, and a strident air-raid siren 'baaaaaaaaaaaaah!' when he was cranky. There was no way anybody could construe a 'Yeah, Mum. Go ahead and change my nappy. Sure beats sitting in my filth' from those sounds. So I just used to do what any responsible parent would: changed his nappy and kept him clean and happy, and rash-free around the groin and bottom when he was teething.
Can people please try being sensible?
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