Gronks, Everywhere Gronks

You read it here first: the world is being overtaken by gronks.  They're everywhere.  It's a veritable scene from the most hellish movie ever devised by George A Romero as the gronks run amok, dribble bullshit from their maws, steal the oxygen meant for sensible types like you and me, and then lick the windows.

First of all, Pauline Hanson has released a book titled In Her Own Words.  Interesting title, given the work is - to my understanding - ghost written.  But then this is no surprise given the woman is an inarticulate, shrewish schlub. This is not to say she should not have written a book, with or without the services of a ghost writer.  She is entitled to have her say, whether or not you believe in what she says.  Hell's teeth, I might even give the book a read myself, out of sheer curiosity and my innate fairness.  What's bugging me is hype that a second print run has already been put in motion. It is likely she will  become a best selling author, a title I have been sweating on and yearning for over many, many years. Aesop's fox has nothing on me at the moment.  That lupine desirer of grapes can just skulk back off to his den.  Not since the atrocious Fifty Shades of Grey has a book put me into a fugue of such rancour.  I am being bested in sales by someone I consider to definitely lean toward gronkiness, and it vexes me greatly.

The publicity spewed forth by commercial free-to-air has truly approached the pinnacle of gronkiness.  Who at Channel 9 thought this comparison was a good idea:

 I cannot fathom that somebody actually put this meme to air.  To the Channel 9 production people, and I will type this slowly: are you all fucking stupid?  If the headline is true, then this is a good reason to not move to Queensland.  How in the blue fuck can anybody seriously compare Pauline Hanson to a person who was educated, fought against apartheid, received a life imprisonment for treason only to be released and become the ruler of the country?  I can't even.  This is just offensive, even for tabloid television and blockheads.

Swimming along in the tide of gronks we have our cricketers Smith, Warner, and Bancroft.  I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.  You must do.  You cannot turn on a television without hearing some crap regarding their 'crime' of ball tampering.  They've received punishments from the appropriate governing body, and if the punishments accord with the rules and regulations penalties, then I don't give a shit.  But you three blokes are gronks, too.  And as for you, Prime Minister, with your bombastic pleas that Cricket Australia 'act decisively and emphatically'?  What pharmaceutical substance has you in thrall, and you are a hypocritical gronk (one of the more dangerous species of gronks) to say some entity should act 'decisively and emphatically', when you were at the helm of the greatest waste of $122 million dollars this country has ever seen because you were too wishy-washy to just push for the legislation of same sex marriage.

I'm saving my last gronk classification for the writers and bloggers who think they are hipster cool when making a point by just saying '..because [insert qualification here]'.  An example of their lamentable prose would go something like: 'Adele doesn't have to listen to any body-shamers because KILLER RECORD SALES!' This is just an example I have snatched from the air.  For the record, I believe Adele has a glorious voice, and she should not listen to anybody who body-shames her; rather, just revel in her talent and success because some people are just embittered twerps (which is no doubt how I come across in the first paragraph of this post).  What annoys me about this modernistic use of 'because' is the syntactic placement relegates it to the role of preposition.  Now read here, all you so-called cool hipster blogger types: 'because' is not a preposition; it is a subordinating conjunction.  Cease and desist the insidious practice of using it as a preposition, because you will be forever cemented in true gronkdom.