Wednesday, 27 January 2016

The Rooster & The Dog

'Fresh Scandal Rocks NRL!' 'NRL Player Caught In Embarrassing Behaviour!'  I'm thinking a better headline would be: 'Overpaid Entitled Flog Gets Pissed And Acts Like Dickhead While Equally Moronic Flogs Film Him'.

Can I just point out Mitchell Pearce didn't actually engage in interspecies intercourse with the poor mutt?  He pretended, and there is a world of difference in that, and actually jamming his cock right up the dog's date.  As far as I can tell from the footage, he still had his daks up, daks he is alleged to have urinated in (although some say it was spilled water or another liquid).  I am in no way defending an utterly inebriated guttersnipe, but I don't know if the silly behaviour warrants some of the headlines.  I cannot say I was surprised to hear and read the headlines.  Indeed, I would be more shocked by a headline that went: 'NRL Player Drinks Sensible Amount And Behaves Appropriately'. 

Also, why do people have to whip out phones and film every goddamned thing they see these days?  Shame on the people who sold the footage - you're all just as creepy.

The behaviour is off-putting and offensive.  But it's nothing new for people to get bombed and act this way.  Is a drunk bloke putting a sausage in his mouth - the other end of which is sticking out another bloke's shorts - on par with thrusting a bloke thrusting his pelvis in a back-and-forth motion behind a dog? I guess if the dog's frightened, that's something to take into account.  But as far as I can tell, he didn't actually - ahem! - give the dog a bone, so there is probably no need for the RSPCA to be called in.  But I have heard of blokes doing this stupid stuff with sausages at barbecues - although they're consenting adults (chronologically speaking, anyway).

I'll tell you who did fuck a dog - it was the mailman in my home town many, many years ago.  He got wasted one night, and some young blokes were cruising around town and saw him on a street corner, and he was most DEFINITELY engaging in some interspecies erotic action.  These days the mail man is probably thankful nobody had camera phones back in the early Eighties.  But on the other hand, people are still talking about it some thirty-three years later.  Well, I am, anyway.  I still recall walking into the school playground, after alighting the bus, jauntily swinging the Globite suitcase I wrote of in my previous post, and seeing a group of my contemporaries.  I lined my Globite up with the other Globites at the classroom, and wandered over to the other kids.  An appalled looking kid said, 'Hey, Simone did you hear about [INSERT NAME OF MAILMAN HERE, WHICH IN THE INTEREST OF AVOIDING A LAW SUIT I HAVE CHOSEN TO NOT DO]?'  I said I had not, and asked who was this [READ THE PREVIOUS PARANTHESISED BOLD TEXT].  It was explained he was the local mail man.  I did not know him because, being on a property out of town, our mail delivery was a separate service.  I was appraised of his canine copulation capers, and I stood dumb struck, my jaw dangling and my hands clamped against the sides of my face.  I could have been Munch's 'The Scream', had 'The Scream' meant to depict a tall, seventeen-year-old girl with long auburn hair.  When my power of speech returned, all I could do was squawk, 'Eeee-YUCK!  That's FOUL!'

But anyway, if you're going to play professional NRL, please don't get pissed and act like a flog.  That stuff has a way of haunting you.

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