Taking The P**s

Although I don't mind watching soccer, and in any event my oldest son plays, I really cannot stand football.  I don't get it.  I don't know why fans lose their shit on Grand Final Day, and have zero sympathy nor indeed tolerance at all for the ones that sit there weeping in the club house when their team loses the Grand Final.  FFS, why the tears?  Did you bet your house on the outcome of the game?  It's fucking football!  I have less sympathy for the players who sob when their team doesn't win.  Oh, boo-fucking-hoo, you're on a six figure contract and you didn't win a game of football.  Meanwhile, somewhere a paramedic is working frantically on a casualty, and neo-natal nursing staff are working around the clock on premature babies in humidicribs, and earning not even what would amount to loose change down the back of your sofa.

I have memories of being dragged to watch my brother play.  I'd sit in the car bored out of my skull, until I learned to bring along a book or read the newspaper.  I'd be engrossed in my reading material, and then startled almost to the point of cardiac arrest by the blaring cacophony of car horns which signified our team had scored a try. 

Now, when it's State of Origin night, or some such event, should I be showering an oldie and they ask my opinion on the upcoming game, I smile sweetly and advise my infinitesimal knowledge and interest, although it would be tempting to smile sweetly and say I just don't really give a shit.

What does seem to be particular to the code of league is that it attracts utter meatheads.  This is my main issue.  Meatheads who are paid an astronomical amount for the privilege of chucking a ball around.  Meatheads who don't appear to realise they are actually not gods, notwithstanding their feted status.  Meatheads who have no idea how to behave.  Meatheads who binge copious amounts of alcohol.  And most disturbingly of late, meatheads who appear to be stricken with raging cases of urolagnia.  Incidentally, I care not if one is a urolagniac.  Whatever blows your hair back, I reckon.  But what kind of foul cretin would willingly drink their own urine in front of someone?  What less foul, but equally cretinous cock would take a photograph and post it on social media?  The thirsty lad, whose name I won't mention, has already been sacked for drunken, loutish behaviour.  But I'm wondering should drinking via his own kidneys be sackable, given he hurts nobody (although I wouldn't want to pash him - not that I would anyway - yuck).

By the way, can people stop saying footballers are role models?  They are not.  Neither are actors nor musicians.  The role model your kid should have is you.