Before the computer sits a woman who has just had her 48th birthday, and she's wearing a skimpy nightdress. Before you all go, 'eeeeuuuw!', or 'Awesome, a milf talking dirty!', I will point out that I have cancelled by shift at work this morning and am shortly going to toddle back to bed (and no, my husband will not be joining me). Last night, I was stricken by monstrous cramps akin to labour pains which led to me setting up camp on the dunny seat. That scene in the movie 'Bridesmaids' came to mind. I was only rostered to do just under one and a half hours this morning, but when you're working with the elderly and infirm, it's best not to go to work if you've had a tummy bug. I will recover quite well in a few hours; an elderly person who catches this virus might dehydrate quite badly. And I resent having had to think about the film 'Bridesmaids' because unlike everyone else who was jizzing themselves over its perceived hilarity and knife-edge envelope pushing, I thought it was just totally infantile rubbish. I do hope my husband and kids are not stricken with this awful thing. What an interesting list of birthday gifts: I got a biography on Fr Bob Maguire (I would start going back to church if he was doing local services), a biography on Lou Reed, and my husband cooked the most stunning bouillabaisse ever. My taste buds had an orgasm; not a word of a lie. There are advantages to being married to a former sous-chef. But - drum roll please - the present to top them all: a debilitating bout of diarrhoea. And no, there is no connection to the soup because I did feel a bit crampy before dinner.
The woman before the computer is also admiring her left hand. Months ago, she bashed her hand against a trolley in the supermarket and the sapphire in her engagement ring came out. She put the ring in for repairs at a local jeweller, and was paying it off via instalments (the repairs cost almost as much as the ring - a sapphire in an antique claw setting) did. Today, her husband presented it, having gone in and made the final payment himself as another birthday gift. The woman is almost in tears. The woman is also rather surprised the shop let her husband collect the ring, given the repair order was placed in her name (she and her husband have differing surnames). The woman is thinking it would be funny to stroll in and say she wants to pay for and collect her ring now, please. Heh-heh. The woman is very, very happy to have the ring back. Sure, it's a ring. It's a material object. But it still feels good to have it back, and it's looking lovely against her plain gold wedding band.
Is anyone else really enjoying Pharrell Williams at the moment? I'm loving that song 'Happy' - it's so funky and upbeat, and he appears to be channelling some Curtis Mayfield. My 9yo, who like me is a music lover, is also loving it. We also play the Daft Punk collaboration 'Get Lucky' a lot. But he doesn't like it when I dance now. This is so sad. He used to love dancing to the De Franco Family with me. 'Heartbeat/It's a love beat....' we'd sing together as we bopped and I'd spin him around. But he's growing up, and seeing is mother dance is apparently nauseating. Even my air bass is bad. We were in the car, and I turned on the radio. 'Superstition' by Stevie Wonder was the song being aired (I'm old; I listen to AM). 'Awesome bass!' I cried, and started to pluck the air bass (as you do). 'Aaaaarrrghhh, stop it, Mum!' he cried, 'It's almost as bad as when you sing.'
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