Never to early to start the Christmas shopping. I know what I'll send the Abbott government: a nice packaged set of oils from Arabia to rub into their hands. Readers who have studied 'MacBeth' (or 'The Scottish Play' for any superstitious actors out there) will get my reference. What a constant load of drivel and rhetoric it's been. 'We will stop the boats'. 'We will buy the boats'. 'We will hide the boats'. I think the most thankless job of all at the moment must be Government Spin Doctor to explain the Government's stance on this utter, utter tragedy wherein 21 people are confirmed drowned - 13 (I think) of which are CHILDREN! Of course, we're not being told about boat arrivals in some kind of Zen practice ('If an asylum seeker boat arrives and nobody is told about it, did it really arrive?'). I like to call this 'Zen And The Art Of Spurious Bullshit'. You cannot stop the boats and we are a party to the UN Refugee Convention. You didn't buy the boats, which would have been a waste of time because these desperate people are going to find another vessel, undoubtedly as shitfully un-seaworthy as the ones you said you would buy. Keeping boat arrivals under wraps is just downright bloody stupid, and I thought we were a democracy.
Next point to ponder: a Christian lobby group calling themselves Family Voice Australia put out a call to boycott Woollies because they stocked, amongst the condoms and lube, a vibrating sex toy some kind of clitoral stimulator, I understand. Whatever it was, I will not get the chance to stock in in my basket because Woollies removed the item last Friday from their shelves. The item was packaged discreetly in a pink box. I don't know what it looks like because I cannot see through cardboard. Presumably neither can any other shopper pushing the cack-wheeled trolleys up and down the aisles. But a pink cardboard box is hardly offensive, is it? It's not like there was a big black dildo, the same size and shape as your average coffee thermos, embossed with silver studs and spikes on display, is it? It wasn't a moulded latex representation of the backside and vulva of whoever is the current reigning queen of the grunt-and-groan epics, was it? (Let it be known I am not offended by dildos and/or latex bums - it's just that they should be displayed in the correct context where kids can't see them, and the kids would have been unable to see the packaged clitoral stimulator). Now, let me just play Devil's Advocate - sorry, I know Old Nick has enough advocates, but I thought I'd step up to the plate for this blog posting - and point out many Woollies stores also have liquor outlets. Surely alcohol is a potentially bigger problem to families then a clit-stimulator? Did anybody ever stumble into traffic after flicking the bean? Was anybody ever king-hit after someone had a session with a sex toy, rather than a session with a carton of beer? Did anybody ever get into a car and crash it, thus killing someone, after a round of fun and games with sex-toys? Can a sex-toy be held responsible for domestic violence (this is exclusive of someone using said toy as a weapon - a big studded dildo could cause GBH when used so)? Whaddya reckon, guys?
And to the two different drivers who yesterday afternoon turned into the New England Highway (first near Mulbring and the second near the servo not far from the F1), please be reminded our vehicle had right of way, and if you want to come hooning into our line of drive when we are travelling at 90kph, causing my husband to hit the brakes and curse like a sailor with a freshly-stubbed toe, can you do future generations a favour and NOT BREED? Thank you. This would be most appreciated. We saw at least six dead kangaroos on our drive, and I was worried about whether there would be 'roos about on the way home - it's so dry the poor things are coming closer to the roads in search of food. But never mind the 'roos, the biggest threat to drivers yesterday was these clowns behind the wheel. After my husband (a pleasant natured man who rarely swears) growled through clenched teeth, 'Jeez-us, you fucken idiot! Learn to drive!' for the SECOND time in less than half an hour, I pondered aloud was it Fuckwits Day Out.
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