Grumpy Grammarian

Words and phrases that should be eradicated like smallpox:

1. 'I could care less.' People who say this: you're getting it wrong. You're trying to convey an air of nonchalance, sang-froid, and imperturbableness, but what you're doing is telling us that you actually DO care. Whether you care a little or a lot is immaterial, but the fact is you DO CARE. Say: 'I couldn't care less'. Repeat it. Say it slowly. Think about it. Get it?

2. 'Un-Australian'. This is a bog-standard complaint trotted out by people to complain about things they don't like. If this is the only way you can formulate an argument for whatever it is you find so distasteful, either get a dictionary or shut up.

3. 'Irregardless'. Now listen up, you perpetrators of this heinous crime against English. The prefix 'ir-' is used to negate, or denote an antonym. The suffix '-less' is used to negate, or indicate a lack of something. By putting both these negatives on a word ('regard'), you are only carrying out the old Two-Negatives-Together formula and making a Positive (or did you not listen in Maths or Science, either?). The word you are looking for is 'regardless', and you are likely confusing and conflating it with 'irrespective', and just creating a big clusterfuck of a word that makes no sense.

4. 'Fillum'. You've probably looked at that word, and wondered was it something you'd find on the periodic table of elements. No. It's a common mispronunciation of the word 'film', as in, 'Hey, want to see that new Spielberg fillum?'  (No, because I'm not really into Spielberg, and I don't know what a fillum is. I've heard of a 'filum', but never a 'fillum'.) People, the word 'film' only contains one syllable. You don't tell a rowdy class to 'callum down', or apply a soothing ballum to an aching muscle, do you?

5. 'Of' used as an auxiliary verb. The auxiliary verbs are 'has', 'had', and 'have', and form moods in the tenses employed in writing. They accompany past participles such as 'rung' and 'seen'. 'Of' is a preposition, so can the people who say or write phrases like 'would of' and 'should of' please cease and desist immediately.  I tend to become emotional when I write about this, because 'of' used as an auxiliary verb is one of my pet hates, not only in grammar, but in life itself. It makes me feel very combative.

That will complete my list for today. I have many more, but I also have washing to be brought in, and dinner to be prepared.

Many thanks for reading.