A Grassy Noll

There has been a huge paradigm shift in appropriate, or understandable, or expected behaviour over the past few years. Some of it good. Some of it not so good. Some of it a total inhabitant of Whatthefuckistan. Shannon Noll has issued an apology over his reaction to having a full can of beer thrown at him whilst he was performing on stage recently. Noll's reaction was one of anger and expletives, and you know what? I actually think it was pretty understandable. That can, had it connected bodily with one of the performers, could have caused a nasty injury. Some commenters are stating Noll issued rape threats.  Among the words he used to the can-thrower were ones to the effect he'd 'fuck (his) missus and mum'. He didn't say 'rape'. He was making a statement designed to offend the can-thrower grievously, by having the thrower imagining Noll enjoying conjugal relations with the women the thrower would admire the most. I'm not defending the statement, nor do I think it's the height of wit. He also called the thrower (or tosser, heh-heh!) a 'private school fuckhead motherfucker!'  This nomenclature has seen Noll accused of being classist. Classist? So what? Some dickwad throws a heavy object at the stage and people are worried about classism?

See where I'm going with this? Some time ago people would actually be understanding about Noll's predicament; now he's being accused of toxic masculinity and classism. 

What about the total-waste-of-a-fuck-on-his-parents'-part who threw the can? Has he issued an apology?  Where are the demands for his apology? All I hear is crickets and it's not even summer yet.

I'm not going to say Noll's reaction was over the top. I don't know if it was over the top. I'm not Noll, and was not given a nasty and offensive fright by a potentially dangerous object hurtling at my head whilst I was doing my job.  But let me tell you a story, folks.  I'm going to take you back some twelve years, when my youngest was a cherubic two-year-old.

Our family rented a nice house quite close to the local high school, where my ex-cherubic toddler now attends as a student. Well, on this pleasant and warm afternoon, he and I were enjoying some together time in the back yard; I was planting flower seeds in pots (they didn't grow because I'm a crap gardener). Our gardening time coincided with the time school was let out for the day, and hi-ho-the-dairy-o, what should come sailing over the colour bond fence but a thick plank of wood, which struck my beautiful son IN THE FACE!!!!!  I use judiciously placed swear words when I'm writing, and I know this post already has a few in it. In real life, I prefer to not swear and am actually very well-spoken. None of this came into play when I scrambled over the fence (quite a feat when one remembers I am as athletic as a slug on Valium), and screamed after the fleeing school kid using words that would embarrass the Navy.  I demanded passing school kids give me the name of the 'little fucker', which is what I'd called him, and then scooped up my screaming kid and marched back into my house.  By the way, the kids gave me a false name.

I cuddled and soothed my kid as I looked up the number of the school, and told him over and over that Mummy would make it okay. As I was being transferred to the office of the principal, I told myself over and over to be calm, and to handle it in a polite and reasonable manner. Despite my mantra,  when the deputy principal identified himself the first thing I did was shout, 'MY TWO-YEAR-OLD IS HYSTERICAL BECAUSE SOME IDIOT FROM THE HIGH SCHOOL JUST THREW A FUCKING LUMP OF WOOD INTO MY YARD AND IT HIT HIM IN THE FACE!'

The deputy assured me there would be an investigation into the matter. I said I would accept no less a punishment than the removal of the kid's testicles from his scrotal sac. Don't worry, once I'd calmed down I apologised to the deputy for having yelled down the phone with awful language and terms; he said, 'Mrs Bailey, I am a parent myself and would feel exactly the same.'

So yeah, I'm kind of understanding where Nollsy is coming from. I don't know the guy in real life, so I don't know what he's like. But people can react quite vociferously, and use very offensive and menacing language when faced with a perceived threat from an act of thoughtless stupidity. Well, the incident involving my kid was thoughtless stupidity because they would not have seen us through the fence which was, as I mentioned, colour bond. However, throwing a full can of drink at the stage is not only dangerous, there is an undercurrent of malice thereto.

Therefore, unlike many other commenters, I am not going to chase Nollsy with the torches and pitchforks. He has apologised for his reaction. He has not apologised for his cover of What About Me?, and I am waiting for such an apology.