If any descendants of Charles Darwin are traversing the blogosphere, and happen upon this post, can you tell me if your ancestor had any theories about reversal of evolution? Please have a look in the old trunks and boxes in the attic; there might be some old notes or parchment on this. You see, I seriously think the human race, as a species, is starting to devolve.
It's a theory that's been circling satellite-like around my brain for a little while now, but phenomena I have observed of late is just lending credence to my long-held theory that the populace is growing sillier by the day. Last night I was online assisting my almost sixteen-year-old son with a job application to a well-known multinational fast food restaurant. The online application form had misplaced apostrophes. Yes, there were apostrophes in plurals. My evening, originally a bonding exercise between mother and son to assist him in finding casual employment thus gaining life skills and independence, became a one-sided slanging match between myself and the unseen author of the damnable application. I suggested to my son should he be granted an interview, discretion would be the better part of valour; don't let on to the interviewer what his mother thought of the dog's breakfast punctuation the applied by the restaurant.
That's one example. The other day I read an article reporting the National Union of Students (a body in England, I believe) has proposed banning 'whooping' and 'clapping' at future events. It is instead proposed that people show hands in the air, or do the jazz hands gesture. I know it is expected students will be subversive, rebellious and want to change the world with brave new ideas. This notion just doesn't make the grade, youngsters of the NUS. You may as well know the truth: it's downright fucking stupid. The argument (hah!) that it might trigger clapping anxiety is really pointless. Anything could be a trigger if confronted by the 'right' person. The other point put forward that it excludes the deaf is also pretty asinine; the deaf community can SEE people clapping. Can you imagine what an auditorium of people doing jazz hands would look like? It would be a crowd of people channelling The Black & White Minstrel Show, or with onset of Parkinson's, or drying their hands in a public loo because those hot air hand dryers are useless, or drying their nail polish, or else shaking away tenacious boogers. And in typing that previous sentence, I daresay I've managed to offend just about everybody.
Now here's another example. Has anyone else heard about the bloke in the US suing a woman he took to the movies for the princely sum of $17.31 after she spent the movie texting on her phone? What is with people? I can't quite decide who's the biggest donkey dick out of the pair of them. When it comes to the female's behaviour, I cannot believe people don't know how ill-mannered it is to pay no attention to your date (or in this case the subject of the date: a movie) when on an outing. I did my courting before the rise of the mobile phone, thankfully. But the bloke: mate, a lawsuit? Seriously? I'm not sure how your civil claims courts work in the US, but here in New South Wales I'm trying to imagine you filing your claim in the Small Claims Court for that pissy amount, and paying the court filing fees which from memory are calculated on a scale pursuant to the amount sought, as well as bailiff fees and calculated interest on the claim. Trying to calculate the amount in the 'TOTAL' section of the Statement of Claim isn't going to be difficult; however, even attempting to fathom that someone would be so imbecilic as to actually DO this is IMPOSSIBLE. You'd be representing yourself because no lawyer I know (and I do not lots and lots) would be so desperate or pond-scum-feeding to take on your matter. If your claim goes ahead, I'm interested to know the legalities of it.
Why not just chalk it up to bad experience and not go out with the asshole again? We've all been there. We don't issue frivolous and vexatious lawsuits over it. I'm trying to imagine some of the Statements of Claim I'd be filing. In the Particulars of Claim section it would read:
'...the claimant was offended when the defendant openly flirted with a waitress and rhapsodised about his ex-wife...'
or:
'...the claimant was subjected to great embarrassment when the defendant made loud racist remarks regarding a group of Japanese tourists who had joined the bus queue...'
or:
'...upon advising the defendant she felt ill, the defendant refuted this. The claimant vomited behind a car and the defendant asked had any bits become lodged in her nostrils, thus causing the claimant to feel even more ill...' Come to think of it, with this one I think that awful date should garner me a damned good settlement! Too bad about that pesky Statute of Limitations thingamabob.
But getting back to the hapless clowns who had that awful date at the cinema. I cannot say this enough: you are a pair of twits. To the woman: put the phone away and have some manners when out on a date. To the man: get over it and don't see her again. To you both: it is probably a good thing Cupid's arrow's didn't land. The notion of you procreating is horrific, and there might be some concerned scribblings in a dusty old box in the attic of one of Charles Darwin's descendants that just might apply here.
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