Of Course You're Saying It Wrong!

I have some vague recollection of Henry Higgins expostulating in 'My Fair Lady', 'Why can't the English learn how to speak?!!!'  I'm with you on this all the way, Henry.  I will never reconcile the syntactical sins committed by some people, and I will never resign myself to the fact that some people just Don't. Get. It.  I do not believe in the adage 'If you can't beat 'em, join 'em' (this is defeatist, conformist nonsense and I will have no part in it).  But if the hoi polloi don't speak properly, can't the teachers?  Please?  I went to collect my 12yo from the swimming pool today because his school had their carnival.  He chose to just spectate, not participate.  I understand this because I always hated doing the 50 metre down myself, long before anyone had ever heard of Eric 'The Eel' Moussambini (sp?) who did that spectacular (some would say craptacular) effort on his own for 100 of the longest metres anybody had ever known at the 2000 Sydney Olympics.  Anyway, back to the point.  I got to the swimming pool, which is located near the office of my work (I don't work in the office, I am field staff), and I wanted to park under the tree where I normally park if I am using a fleet vehicle (and yes, I know I don't own the spot).  There were cars everywhere because it was a swimming carnival.  This woman was standing there.  Just standing there.  Wouldn't move.  In hindsight, I could have parked the car in her shadow.  I stood near the back gates where the children were exiting, and where a couple of teachers were supervising.  I suspect one was the headmaster, but under the hat and sunglasses I could not be sure.  I waved to my son, and he came over.  The teacher said to him, 'Have a good day, mate?'  My son politely said he had.  'Did you get in?" asked the teacher.  My son said he had not.  Then, I shit you not, I am sure I heard a TEACHER or HEADMASTER say, 'You should of.'  Yes, 'of' not 'have'.  Aaaarrrrggghhhh!  Aaaarrrggghhh and a Grrrrrrrrrrrr! thrown in for good measure.  What the fuck is wrong with people?  It is 'have'!  HAVEHAVEHAVEHAVEHAVE!   A thousand times HAVE!  When will people stop engaging in this grammatical and syntactical bullshit, and think about what they are saying?  People who do this, especially those who SHOULD know better, should be taken to a public place and placed in stocks, then pelted with rotting vegetable matter.  I am trying to tell myself I am imaging it, that he said 'have', but deep in my heart I am sure I heard 'of', and am starting to despair.  I groused about it as I bundled my son over to the car, and pointed to 'my' coveted spot under the tree and said, 'I wanted to park in the shade but that bloody behemoth there wouldn't move.'  'Mum, that's one of my teachers,' said my son.  Oh, well.


PM Abbott, get your freaking paws off our ABC.  So what if you don't like them seeming to not say favourable things about the LNP?  You were suspiciously quiet when the Murdoch press published the most offensive, obnoxious headlines imaginable against the ALP in the build up to the last election, the election which you, unfortunately, won.  I hope you don't get to wear too comfortable a butt groove in the PM's chair.