Just when I thought I had seen and heard it all (and I come from a town where the postman got wasted and fucked a dog one night - I was in my final year of school, and boy was that some hot gossip), I read a snippet about a feminist blogger who posted in updates whilst baking a loaf of bread. Big deal, you're probably thinking. And understandably so; I too have baked bread. What was remarkable (and utterly disgusting) about this particular loaf was the yeast used as a rising agent was cultivated from thrush in the blogger's own vagina (I suppose it beats scraping it out of someone else's)! This just begs the question: WHY???? WHY would you do this? My money is on 'attention'. Look, there is merit in not wasting and recycling. Much merit indeed. But seriously, folks, WHY? If this was an experiment in the name of science, then I could actually understand. But I think this is just an attention-seeking exercise, and does nothing for the feminist cause. ('Hey look, everyone: I just harvested some cunt-snot and put it in some dough to make it rise! Go, Feminism! Woo-hoo!') What's the next great culinary exercise? Perhaps it will be a lemon meringue pie made with wads of hacked-up phlegm. Or maybe, when she's making Florentines, she will extract a great booger from her nostril and add it to the cornflakes-and-honey mix, so when it dries it will help set the confectionery. Some urine along with vinegar when making toffee? I will stop there; I'm starting to nauseate myself. But what people will do never ceases to astonish me.
On a lesser scale, I saw something else this morning that made me ask 'Why?'. I was at a client's home, and I knocked over something from the bathroom cupboard. It had a flip top lid, and cute brightly coloured tubular objects therein. 'Oh, bless,' I thought, 'I've knocked over her granddaughter's crayons. I will pick them up before they become a trip hazard.' So I reached down, and upon closer inspection realised I was not looking at crayons, but tampons. Yeah, brightly coloured tampons: electric blue, shocking pink, and justice purple. Again I thought, 'Why?' Truly, people, what is the point to brightly coloured TAMPONS? Who on earth is going to see the bloody things? No pun intended there, by the way; just a fortunate, or unfortunate, turn of phrase. Also, are those dyes safe? God almighty, you would be unable to gauge the qualities of your flow against a background of cobalt blue or maroon. 'God Strewth,' I thought, as I picked them up, still mindful they might become a trip hazard. It's not up to me to tell other women what sanitary products to purchase (although I do encourage people to go for the environmentally friendly moon cup), but I will say I think the purchase of colourful tampons is seriously inane, and probably more pricey.
Finally, this morning I had an, 'Oh, fuck off!' moment. I was at someone else's home and heard on the television Senator Jackie Lambie has called for drug testing of all welfare recipients. Was I not in the company of elderly people in their own home, I just might have snarled, 'Oh, fuck off!' at the television screen. It's all very well for people to bleat that they are subject to drug testing in their workplace, so why should welfare recipients not undergo this also. This is why: usually in the workplace where there is drug testing, it is because the safety of other people just might hinge on their workmates not being stoned to the gills. I'm thinking jobs like driving, mining, or construction where heavy equipment is operated. If someone drawing welfare decides to smoke a joint in his or her own time, it is very unlikely to impede upon someone else's safety. Also, as unpopular an opinion as this might be, I consider it an infringement upon someone's civil liberty to undergo a drug test if it is not really needed. RBT units when someone is operating a motor vehicle; no problem. Pulling a cone on your own time in your own home and affecting nobody else? Leave 'em be. Senator, your idea just seems like a massive waste of time and resources. Perhaps those clowns sitting in Parliament should undergo drug testing instead? Just a thought....
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